Tag Archives: Carlie

I missed my blog’s 1st birthday!

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Yes, this blog turned one year old on Feb. 15 and I didn’t post about it because I am officially a neglectful blogger.

Eh, I’m not too broken up about it. But it is weird to think that I’ve been doing this for a whole year already.

Last year, Feb. 15 was President’s Day, so Will and I both had the day off. I was still stewing about the fact that the day before (Valentine’s Day), Will was in recovery mode from the festivities of the previous night (I have no clue what those were), so we spent V-day laying on the couch and I drank a bottle of champagne by myself. I woke up on the 15th determined to do something productive with my day off so I got dressed, went to Borders and wrote my very first blog post. Then Will took me out to dinner, thanks to guilt. And the fact that he was hungry.

Feb. 15 one year later was a bit different. I woke up in Chicago, NOT St. Louis, hopped on a bus to work, spent my day writing and reviewing copy, went to Chipotle to grab dinner, got a pretty decent haircut, walked home, greeted Gatsby, worked on a freelance job, watched Gossip Girl and went to bed.

Reading between the lines of those descriptions, it’s pretty clear to me that a lot has changed in a year. President’s Day is falling a whole week later, for one thing. And my hair is shorter.

But really, my life (and consequently this blog), is a lot different than it was a year ago. Here’s a nice little recap of what’s happened between then and now:

  • I started this blog (obvi)
  • I turned 28
  • The Hurt Locker won Best Picture (I watched it 6 months later)
  • Thanks to the Winter Olympics, I decided that I want to go to Vancouver and Johnny Weir is awesome
  • I got 4 good haircuts and 1 pretty bad one
  • We went to a Bulls game
  • I became addicted to Bethenny Getting Married. Also Giuliana and Bill.
  • I ate fried green tomatoes and learned to decipher weird southern accents in Charleston, SC
  • I was asked to run a promotion on my blog and thought “Yes, I can make big bucks off this thing!” and haven’t been contacted by anyone else since
  • We lost Will’s grandpa (but not in spirit, of course)
  • We bumped into the Jersey Shore cast in Miami
  • I was introduced to a bar video game called Photo Hunt
  • I held a baby
  • We drank margaritas on the San Antonio Riverwalk. That’s also where I got this pesky cold that I’m pretty sure I still have.
  • I watched my first World Cup game in its entirety and may have even cheered at one point (beer makes everything more fun)
  • I made a Baby Bucket List, and have since checked off approximately one item
  • Mel Gibson confirmed that he is, in fact, a racist, violent, alcoholic crazy man
  • We went to several weddings, traveling to exotic places like Iowa and Kankakee, IL
  • The Hills came to an end. However, bad reality TV in general did not (thank God)
  • Gatsby inhaled an unhealthy amount of sand in Michigan
  • We celebrated our 3 year anniversary by spending the day by the rooftop pool at the St. Louis Four Seasons (which has since become my “happy place”)
  • I actually had fun at my 10 year high school reunion
  • I baked
  • Our nephew Levi was born
  • Our niece Bethany was born
  • We decided to move to Chicago. Half of us made it. (But the other half is on the way!)
  • I started a new job and it’s pretty great
  • I moved in with my parents
  • I started a long distance relationship (with my husband, silly!)
  • We became permanent residents of Chicago
  • I survived a major blizzard
  • I got tired of writing this list

Whew! What a year, what a year…

Hopefully in this next year of blogging, I’ll tell you about how Will got an awesome job here in Chicago and we went on amazing vacations to Europe and several tropical islands and we won the lottery and bought a fancy condo and we still don’t have kids. We’ll see…

Gone (ice) fishing

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“The eskimos had fifty-two names for snow because it was important to them; there ought to be as many for love.” ~Margaret Atwood


I’ve got a few choice names for snow right about now.

I’d tell you what they are, but my frost-bitten fingers are struggling to type.

Is it sad that I’m looking forward to 35-degree weather this weekend? Yes. But I really am looking forward to it.

Another bright side: walking around the city is a much better workout when you’re basically walk-running to get to warmth as quickly as possible.

Sorry I’ve been MIA this week. Gatsby puked on my Snuggie and I haven’t had a chance to wash it yet, so in order to type, I would have to pull my arms out from under my blanket and that’s just not happening. But I’ll be back next week!

I hope everyone has a fabulous “Celebrate-Valentine’s-Day-Now-Because-It-Falls-on-a-Monday-This-Year” weekend! I’ll be spending it with my two loves: Gatsby and champagne.

I think Will is going to be there too.

Cheers!

Blizzaster!

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If you live in the Midwest, I don’t need to explain to you why I worked from home yesterday and why, since I park on the street, I won’t be able to drive my car anytime in the forseeable future.

If you don’t live in the Midwest, you’re missing out! In case you didn’t hear, us Midwesterners just got dominated by a snowstorm affectionately referred to in the following ways: Blizzaster! Snowmageddon! Snowpocalypse! SnOMG!

Here in Chicago, most places got around 20 inches. That’s like three Gatsbys stacked on top of each other. People are skiing through the streets and Tuesday night Lake Shore Drive became probably the coldest, snowiest version of hell you can think of. Motorists got stranded in their cars, formed primitive tribes to survive and started looting 7-Elevens and eating each other.

Ok, it wasn’t that bad.

But let’s talk about my problems.

Such as:

I know it’s hard to see, but in the center of that photo, between the blue van and the tree, lies my car. Anyone have any thoughts on how I can begin to dig it out?

Oh, and here’s a key bit of information: I do not currently own a shovel. So we have to get creative with this one!

Even though I was supposed to be working at home yesterday, I decided to take a break in the late afternoon to walk around the block and survey the blizzard aftermath (and then write this post). It was quiet and pretty. And cold. And I’m glad I could enjoy it before it all turns into icy, slushy nastiness.

Well grass, it’s been real. I guess we’ll see you again in April.

Check out our new digs

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As you know, Will and I moved all of our stuff to a new apartment in Chicago at the beginning of this month, and I have been unpacking ever since.

Well it looks as though I might finally be done! Almost. I still have a few bags/boxes that I threw in the closet and haven’t dealt with yet. But their contents are not of high importance to my everyday life, so guess what? They’re going to stay in the closet for awhile.

Also, I haven’t touched Will’s “Man Room.” Yes, Will has a Man Room. Aren’t I a good wife? He doesn’t even live here yet, and I already have an entire room of our apartment dedicated to his gender. Currently, it is filled with piles of law books, sporting equipment and various gaming consoles. So trash, basically. And I’m not touching it.

Anyway, the point of this post is that our apartment is finally starting to look like a home, and I wanted to share it with you! When you  spend hours upon hours of your life moving, hanging and organizing stuff you kind of want to show off the final product.

So without further ado…

Here’s the living room!

That’s Gatsby on the couch, not an erect Beanie Baby or creepy porcelain figurine. He’s all, “Oh heeey, what’s going on? You’re photographing me in my natural habitat? If I had known, I would have straightened up a bit and put on my red velvet smoking jacket. I guess you’ll just have to settle for me looking debonair, relaxing on the couch with my perfect posture. Thank God I used Crest White Strips last night. Can I offer you an aperitif?”

So you see that Gatsby has certainly made himself at home.

As an interesting side note, I have some photos of what the apartment looked like when the tenants before us lived here. Here’s their version of the living room (Please excuse the photo quality. It’s bad when cameras get wet. Now you know why.) :

What do you think? I do love their coffee table. And the huge mirror. And the pink chair. Will would throw a major hissy if I ever suggested buying a pink chair. Gatsby, on the other hand, would appreciate the nice pop of color it brings to the room.

Here’s another view of OUR living room:

Gatsy: “Oh hey wait, now you’re taking a picture from another angle? I just happened to be heading up to the top of the couch. I guess I’ll allow one more photograph. See how I cross my legs in front of me like a true gentleman?”

And here’s the old living room from the same angle:

They had a lot of plants. And a bird! These people were cultured.

And here are some photos of other rooms in the apartment that looked presentable at the time when I was walking around with my camera:

Dining room

Gatsby's dining room

Bathroom

Bedroom

Oh, suddenly Gatsby’s turned shy.

So that’s the tour of our new place! There’s another bathroom, an office area, and of course the Man Room, but those parts aren’t suitable for public viewing yet.

Hopefully sometime this spring, we’ll have a housewarming party, and if I know you and am comfortable welcoming you to our place of residence, you might be invited!

Happy day-before-Friday!

Fridge facts

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Right now the wind chill in Chicago is -10 degrees.

Also, everyone seems to be all up in arms about the Chinese president shutting down River North and messing up their commute, but I didn’t have any problems or notice anything going on. I was too busy making sure I could still feel my extremities and pretending I was on a beach in Maui.

When I imagined that the overweight guy trudging in front of me was actually a Hawaiian native carrying a tiki torch and beckoning me to follow him to a luau and pig roast, I actually started to feel a little warm.

It’s all about state of mind, people.

Anyway, this freezing cold weather reminds me of refrigerators, which reminds me of a conversation Will and I had with our friends Cynthia and Rick (Shout out: What up Cynthia and Rick!?) at brunch last weekend.

I don’t know how we got on the subject, but at one point Will blurted out that the contents of my refrigerator are shameful, or something to that effect (thanks for the support, hubby!).

I hadn’t really thought about it before, but I began listing out everything in my fridge, and that list went something like this:

  • Brita water pitcher
  • Butter
  • Leftover Thai food
  • Tortillas
  • Bottle of champagne
  • Shredded cheddar cheese
  • Ranch dressing
  • A half full bottle of Gatorade

That’s. It.

So what do the contents of my fridge say about me?

I think the answer is clearly that I am either a bachelor or a frat boy. But my refrigerator better watch what it’s saying because obviously that’s not true. (Check yourself before you wreck yourself, Fridge!)

It seems that people who have their life in order generally tend to go grocery shopping on a regular basis. At this point, that is not me.

Sadly, I still seem somewhat incapable of completing everyday lifestyle-related tasks in a timely manner.

But I’m making progress! This week, I did some responsible organized things like get our utility bills in order and take out the trash (and recycling!). Next week, I hope to vacuum the apartment, blog more and maybe buy some food.

We’ll see.

Farewell, my sweet Kardashians…

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I just had a realization: I watch too much TV.

“You’re just now realizing that??” (This is what I guarantee Will said in his head (or maybe even outloud!) after reading that first sentence.)

Let me just stop you right there, Will (and everyone else).

I’m not saying I watch too much TV in general. It’s a harmless, entertaining way to relax at the end of the day, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. What I’m saying is that I watch too much TV for my life situation right now.

Case in point*:

*(I just had to look up what “case in point” means to make sure I was using it correctly, and I was! Also, it’s an idiom if you didn’t know that. Not to be confused with an idiot, which is what I feel like right now since I’m an editor and an English major and I’m still Googling commonly used phrases.)

Here is a list of responsibilities I have in my life right now:

1. Work (which takes up at least 8 hours every weekday.)

2. Freelance publishing projects (just started this but I think it’s going to turn into a bit of a time commitment.)

3. Food & Drink contributor for Girls Guide to the Galaxy (re-launching in February!)

4. Working out (I found some classes nearby that I want to take and I can’t wait to start! Next week…)

5. This blog (I love you, but you are seriously a time suck.)

6. Unpacking my apartment (YES, this is still happening.)

7. Having some semblance of a social life (This is very important for my survival.)

8. Daily health-related and hygienic tasks such as bathing, brushing my teeth, and sleeping

Here is a list of all of the TV shows I’m currently watching:

1. Desperate Housewives

2. Kendra

3. How I Met Your Mother

4. The Bachelor

5. The Real Housewives of Atlanta

6. The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

7. The Jersey Shore

8. Glee

9. Gossip Girl

10. Breaking Bad

11. The Office

12. Community

13. Parks and Recreation

14. 30 Rock

15. Millionaire Matchmaker

16. Keeping Up with the Kardashians

I think there’s more, but I just listed 14 hours per week that I am sitting (more like slouching/laying) in front of the television, and I think you get my point. I don’t have time for this. (Don’t worry, Glee, I’m not talking to you! Or you, Gossip Girl! Or you, 30 Rock!)

So it’s time to make some cuts. The question is, what are they? It’s my own personal Sophie’s Choice, I’m telling you.

Well… some cuts aren’t that hard to make. I am talking to you, Kardashians and Millionaire Matchmaker. It’s not that I have something against dark-haired women with oversized rear ends. It’s just that I think it will be good for me to spend less time watching rich people drink champagne, buy Chanel bags and use helicopters as their primary mode of transportation.

Bye bye!

Toodles!

After that, the cuts get a bit harder. My gut is telling me to cut the Real Housewives because those shows are somewhat trashy and mind-numbing, but I’m not sure I can bring myself to do it. The bottom line: they bring me joy. Yes, I just said that.

Please weigh in, if you feel so inclined. What other shows do I watch that are a ridiculous waste of time and make you ashamed to be associated with me? (Don’t say all of them!)

If you need me, I’ll be in my new kitchen deciding where to put this crock pot I’ve never used.

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Last week was a bit crazy.

Long story short, we packed up our St. Louis apartment, loaded everything into a Uhaul truck in the middle of a tornado (yes, a real tornado, not a figurative tornado of activity or emotions), drove to Chicago on New Year’s Eve, fell asleep before midnight, and moved into our new place in Chicago on New Years Day.

And now I am unpacking. FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

Seriously, I think the boxes are somehow multiplying.

Throughout all of this, two things crossed my mind:

1. I really wish I was more of a minimalist.

2. I really hope we love this new apartment because as of right now, I never ever want to move again in my life ever.

So, while I’m trying to make progress and hoping I don’t lose Gatsby under an avalanche of boxes, I will be continuing my holiday blog hiatus for the rest of this week.

Happy 2011 and Bachelor premier week, everyone!!

I’ll be back.

Kids write the darndest things

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While living with my parents this past month, I’ve found several things to amuse myself.

1. Since the P’s have the premium cable package from U-verse, I’ve been able to watch Boardwalk Empire on-demand. Love.

2. My completely clueless mother. Who says things like this:

Mom: Can you proofread my Christmas letter? I’ve spent the past 3 hours typing it up on the computer but haven’t saved it yet because I wanted you to read it first.

Me: ??? !!!

~

Mom: Eminem is white!?

Me: ??? !!!

~

Mom: (every time I get a notification on my phone): Is that one of those crazy tweets?

Me: No. You’re a crazy tweet.

~

3. Because my parents never throw anything away, I’ve been able to look back at everything I’ve ever written since I was about 4 years old. This has proven to be endlessly entertaining. Here are some examples (spelling errors not corrected):

My Famly

By: 2nd grade me

My family is very nice. I have four people in my family. Shannon, Mom, Dad and me.

Sometimes I get mad at my sister Shannon but I say sorry.

My mom is having her vains taken care of on her legs.

Sometimes she gets craby becose of that.

~

Excerpt from my “Beezus and Ramona Diary” circa 1989

Q: If I earned a million dollars, this is what I would do with it:

My answer: Make everyone in the whole wold rich and happy espeshly bums.

Q: The thing that made me laugh the hardest this year was:

My answer: When Shannon threw up.

~

Why Does It Always Have to Be Me?

A short story by 2nd grade me

Being the biggest sister is really hard. I can tell you that. When I want to do something in my room all by myself, up comes the big fat brat Shannon.

And she says, “Cowie, go and get me a graham cracker.” And I say, “No!”

And when she does something wrong, my mom always blames it on me.

When I play with a friend, she has to play too. There are so many things that are bad about being the big sister.

Shannon is annoying too. And she’s only in four-year-old preschool. So I’m three years older than her.

And last night I asked my mom if I could stay up later than her. And she said, “No!” And my bed time is 8:00 and that’s early.

But sometimes I like being the oldest because I get to boss Shannon around.

~

When We Moved to Wheaton

By: 1st grade me

When we moved to Wheaton I was crying my eyes out. Becouse my best friend still lived at Carol Stream.

When we got to the new house I met a girl named Debbie, and a girl named Emma, and a girl named Elana and a boy named Mikel.

Me and Debbie our good firends becase Emma moved and Mikel and Elana well we just don’t see them very much.

The pepole that moved into the house that Emma had lived in are very nice.

Ther names are Linda and John. Linda is almost eleven so is Debbie.

Thay thingk I’m pretty cute. I think I am too not to brag or anything but I do.

~

Poem #1

By: 1st grade me

I have a little firend that lives in my house.

For she is a little mouse.

She eats chease all day and night.

She eats chease when the sun is bright.

The mouse is realy my sister.

~

Poem #2

By: 1st grade me

Cats cats ther such brats.

They chase those awful durdy rats.

And evry day they purr purr purr

And all ways scater furr furr furr.

But somtims I like those cats you see

Becose sometims thay like me.

~

Poem #3

By: 1st grade me

Some times I like my sister

And sometims I don’t.

She crys and crys and crys

And she allmost pops out her eyes.

Sometimes I get so mad I cry to dad.

Then I punch her.

~

Little Burnt-Face

By: 3rd grade me

Once upon a time ther lived a man with his three daghters.

The yongest one was nice and sweet. But whe ther father went hunting her sisters would burn her face and make scars.

And she got in trouble. And that is how she got her name Little Burnt Face.

One day the chife who was invisaball said that if a girl could see him she would merry him.

The chief’s sisster could only see him.

Evreyone tried to see him but they could not.

When it was Little Burnt-Faces turn she could see him very well and tolled what she saw.

The cheif’s sisster washed her scars of in in the dew.

And then she merrirred the chief and they lived happly ever after.

~

Ok, that last one was a little disturbing. It took me four times to finally spell the word “chief” correctly??

Pathetic.

Slipping into winter

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It’s official. Winter is upon us.

And before you push your duct-taped glasses up on your nose and get all nerdy on me and insist that the above sentence is misleading and uninformed and completely false because the winter solstice has technically not occurred yet, I will say this to you: I do not care.

Winter solstice be damned, everything about the weather outside is categorically winter-y. Wind. Freezing temps. Runny noses. Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens. Snow. Ice.

Ice.

🙂 🙂 🙂

<That’s me grinning mischievously and rubbing my hands together in evil delight.>

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t love ice, by any means. It’s just that I love watching people fall down (as long as they don’t get hurt), and ice is very good at making that happen.

If you’re asking yourself, “Is this post just about how much Carlie loves to watch people slipping on ice?” then I will answer that question right now: Yes. It is.

So if this topic bores you, save yourself some time and go check your email or something.

Now back to people falling. 🙂 🙂 🙂

Nothing puts a smile on my face and makes me involuntarily laugh out loud like wildly flailing limbs, terror-struck faces and innocent backsides meeting with the cold, harsh reality of frozen concrete.

It truly warms my heart, even on the most frigid of winter days.

Don’t make me feel bad, I know I’m not the only one who finds humor in unsuspecting individuals suddenly biting it. Hard. <heehee>

In fact, this YouTube video of a parade of people being dominated by a single patch of ice in Madison, WI inspired me to write this post and was posted on Facebook by my friend Kelly (What up, Kelly!!?). She gets a shout-out because she reads this blog. Or at least that’s what she tells me…

But I have to admit, watching a video of people falling on ice is a lot more fun than actually witnessing someone fall down right in front of me. I guess that’s because I know the people in the video aren’t hurt and I’m also not obligated to inquire whether the person is ok while pretending not to notice their flustered embarrassment. Awkward.

Also, let’s be clear – people falling on ice is only funny when it happens to other people – not me.

With those disclaimers out of the way, let’s get back to the endlessly entertaining sight of a complete stranger who is at the mercy of frozen liquid and gravity.

Why is it so funny? I don’t really know, but I do know that it’s even more entertaining when the person is carrying something. Like a wedding cake. Or a very large open can of neon green paint. (Hey, it could happen…a girl can dream, right!?)

And the aftermath is almost as funny as the fall itself. It always goes down the same: The stunned silence. The sinking in of the realization that yes, they are still alive. The casual, yet furtive glances in every direction to assess who, if anyone, saw the fall. The embarrassment. The slow and careful rise to their feet (and if we’re lucky, sometimes they fall again!). Then finally, the brushing off of the rear end and quick exit from the scene.

Comic gold.

If that description doesn’t make you smile just a little bit, then I’m actually not a very good writer, or you have no sense of humor. And let’s be honest…one of those statements is just ridiculous.

So all I’m saying is that if you want to make the world a happier place, cover the soles of your shoes with teflon, grab a cup of coffee with no lid and go run around on an icy sidewalk.*

*But you may want to wear some padding or something because, again – I do not enjoy people getting hurt. I’m not that evil.

Bored, huh?

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So obviously I haven’t been writing too many blog posts lately. I warned you this might happen.

My life has suddenly become a whirlwind of:

wake up at the crack of dawn. shower. train. bundle up. walk to work. unbundle as fast as possible because walking briskly in a massive down coat, boots, gloves and a hat actually makes me HOT. check email. do work. go to a meeting. do work. go to a meeting. lunch. meeting. work. meeting. meeting. walk to train station. train. eat dinner. check craigslist for apartments. watch a TV show (if I’m lucky!). bed.

So not much room for writing in there.

Since I’m sure you’re thinking these exact words: “Oh no! Now that there’s very little new material on Carlie Crash these days, whatever shall I do with my free time?”

(p.s. You sound like a pansy.)

I thought I’d give you a list of things to do to occupy the time you would otherwise fill by pouring over the entrancing contents of this blog.

So please, don’t despair. Just think. Instead of fixating your lookin’ balls to the harsh glare of a computer screen, you could:

  • Crochet a scarf! I used to do this in college when all of my friends were studying and making disparaging remarks about me not studying, but hey, I was an English major, we write papers, people. Lay off. Anyway, I now have about 8 long, scraggly strips of crocheted yarn that I never ever wear – and you could too!
  • Take a new Facebook profile picture. Yes, you look adorable/creepy/hilarious in your Halloween costume, but that’s SO not relevant anymore. And…that is your Halloween costume…right?
  • Send me a Christmas card! Care of my parents’ address, thankyouverymuch. I love Christmas cards! Especially ones with pictures. Or candy. Or cash. Lots of cash. I don’t get too many of those. I guess maybe that’s not a thing? Let’s make it a thing! Be the epitome of cool this Christmas and get on the ground floor of a hot new tradition – sending me cash! Everyone’s doing it – don’t be left out!
  • Buy some seasonal outfits for your pets and take pictures of them so you can share their misery with all of your friends. Don’t have a pet? Buy a pet. That should keep you busy for awhile.
  • Make a detailed, to-scale model of downtown Chicago using only pretzel dough and toothpicks. And don’t ever tell me you’re bored again.

So there you go. And just as quickly and mysteriously as I appeared in your Facebook feed or Google Reader, I shall retire into the obscure abyss of the internet, leaving you to breathlessly await my return…