Readers, I lied to you. In my post last week, I told you that I’m 28 years old. This is untrue. Or I guess I should say this was untrue. When I wrote that post one week ago I was 27 (ah, the good ol’ days), but today I can officially say that I have been a member of the human race for 28 years.
Yes, today is my birthday, but more importantly in my opinion, it was 28 years ago today that my mother survived what I imagine to be one of the most horrific and gruesome of all human experiences: chidbirth. I know that may sound a bit dramatic, but when you get down to brass tacks and think about what giving birth means and what supposedly happens during this process, it is not completely dissimilar from the plot of a horror movie. And I hate horror movies.
Suspense, pain, screaming, blood, and then a small creature emerges from inside you. Hello, did you see Alien???
I’m sorry about that. Hopefully you aren’t eating while reading this post. But let’s be honest, you didn’t need that second granola bar anyway.
I have several friends who are labor and delivery nurses, or “baby catchers” as they sometimes refer to themselves. I know that when they talk to me about what they’ve experienced in the delivery room, it’s all matter-of-fact for them and they are not trying to turn me off to having kids. They are also not trying to make me feel nauseated and light-headed, but that’s exactly what happens when I hear the word “tear” in that context. Ugghh…again, I really hope you’re not eating right now.
Here’s a fun story: Once upon a time (3 weeks ago), I had to get my blood drawn for a life insurance physical. This experience ended in me passed out on my dining room table. The last thing I heard was the nurse saying to Will, “I think we’re losing her!” So now you know where I’m coming from. I’m not sure if it would be possible for me to stay conscious during my prenatal doctor’s appointments, let alone childbirth itself.
Also, did you know that labor and delivery nurses actually notice and discuss amongst themselves whether or not you have a pedicure? Well apparently they do. So that’s one more thing to worry about.
To sum up, the thought of giving birth is very, very scary to me. And realizing that my mom was willing to go through that just to have me (and then do it again with my sister!) is proof that she is amazing. Further proof that both of my parents are amazing is the fact that they were willing to drive 5 hours to St. Louis on Saturday just to take me out to dinner for my birthday only to have to turn around and drive 5 hours back on Sunday in the face of a possible snow storm. So if creating a life makes you care about someone that much, I guess it might be worth it. Plus, hundreds of thousands of women give birth every day so it can’t be that bad right? Right?