I miss last March

Maybe you recall that almost exactly a year ago, I posted this weather forecast for Chicago:

screen-shot-2012-03-12-at-11-10-45-am

(It actually ended up being much warmer than that.)

And here’s the current 5-day forecast for Chicago:

Screen Shot 2013-03-14 at 8.21.13 PMI just. I can’t.

I guess a lot can change in a year. Including the weather.com website design, apparently.

If you live in Chicago and are a true masochist, check out more posts here and here about the freakishly gorgeous weather we had a year ago, which I will now refer to as The Golden Age.

 

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A narcissist’s Thanksgiving

Yes, I had to Google how to spell “narcissist.” Guess what? I had it right! Am I the first person ever to try and chest-bump a computer screen? Maybe.

While I come down from that high, let’s talk about the real reason for this post. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. And thanks to one of those obnoxious trends on Facebook, we all know that everyone is thankful for their family, friends, health, pets, first world country amenities, Twilight, and Channing Tatum.

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Of course I’m thankful for all the things that everyone else is thankful for. I’m not a sociopath. But I’ll just show my thankfulness to those things in my own way and use this blog for other purposes. Namely, proclaiming my awesomeness to all the land.

Instead of making a list of things I’m thankful for this year, I thought I’d make a list of things that should be thankful for me. Let’s get started:

1. Gatsby. He is an animal, and yet he lives a plush existence among humans inside our house. And I treat him like a king. A king, I tell you.

2. Gossip Girl. I think I might be the only person who still watches that show. XOXO, me.

3. Lindsay Lohan. I’m rooting for her! It’s about time we had a teen-actress-turned-trainwreck who actually turns herself around. Drew Barrymore was a long time ago, guys.

4. Will. I cleaned up some Gatsby puke in the hallway the other morning before he woke up that was right in his well-worn path from the bedroom to the bathroom.

5. Anyone who rides in my car in December. Because I just made the BEST Christmas CD ever!

6. Turkeys. I won’t be eating much of them tomorrow. I can’t bring myself to tear into something that still actually looks like a bird. I prefer meals that don’t have limbs or a ribcage.

7. Skinny jeans. I make them look gooood! (And by gooood, I mean satisfactory. I just felt like saying something really cocky.)

8. My parents. The most trouble I ever got in growing up was “talking to my neighbor” too much during Grandparents Day in kindergarten. I mean come on.

That’s all I can come up with right now, but as you can see, I’ve given many people and things a lot to be thankful for.

Hope everyone has a happy Thanksgiving! We’re heading to St. Louis this year, and I’m hoping for a visit to Ted Drewes to indulge in a pumpkin pie concrete. An ENTIRE piece of pumpkin pie. Blended with frozen custard. Talk about things to be thankful for!

Rant-astic

The office I work at right now is in the heart of a very busy part of the Loop. This is a place where various individuals and/or groups like to position themselves along the sidewalks holding up protest signs, asking for money, handing out pamphlets, pushing petitions and trying to convince you to change your feelings regarding politics/religion/morals/having discussions with complete strangers on the street.

There’s also a woman selling chocolate and singing the same song everyday. (“World’s Finest Chocolate, how ya doin’ today!”)

Yesterday, as I did my “city walk” through this three-ring circus to grab some lunch (sunglasses on, brisk walk, no eye contact), I was approached by no less than three people who mistook me for someone actively seeking information on the evils of abortion.

The first person shoved a pamphlet in my face, forcing me to do a quick sidestep as I narrowly avoided sustaining a paper cut to the eye.

The second person just stood there, her assault tactic being the picture of a ginormous bloody human fetus on her protest sign.

And the third person actually stepped into my path and  tried to talk to me (the worst!), asking, “Do you have a minute to help stop the mass murder of innocent babies?”

Well that’s a loaded question if I ever heard one.

“No,” was my response.

No, I would rather let those innocent babies die because they are less important than me getting to Subway one minute faster. And I’m a horrible person. Is that what you want me to say??

I just have one question for these people: If you are pro-life, then why are you making me want to kill you??

Also, some advice: Don’t mess with me at lunchtime. When I’m hungry, helping fetuses not get murdered takes a backseat to putting a turkey sub in my stomach.

And now you know why I’m going to hell.

I’m just wondering, how many people actually say, “Yes, I do have a minute, as a matter of fact. I was just walking aimlessly through the Loop, hoping someone would come up to me and engage me in conversation. I have absolutely nothing else I need to be doing right now.”

????

I’d like to get some stats on that.

And before I start getting hate comments, I’d just like to say that I’m not necessarily pro-choice or pro-life.  I’m just anti-getting accosted in the street. If you’d like to share your political/religious/moral views with me, I’m all ears–that’s what the comment section is for!

Rant over.

Image via

You mean a woman can open it??

Most of you probably saw this on Cup of Jo, but holy hell.

I have a hard time believing these vintage ads are real, but I think they are. There’s a lot wrong with our country right now, but at least we can confidently say that our culture no longer finds it acceptable to treat women like this.

Looking back, these ads are pretty funny just because of how blatant and ridiculous they are. But they’re also completely maddening. People back then were messed up!

See more vintage ad sexism here.

Earth to me!

Don’t you love Madewell? Of course you do. Who doesn’t? Look how cute:

For the past year or so, I’ve been somewhat obsessed with Madewell. But as far as I knew, there were no stores in Chicago. I’ve bought a few things online, but I’m old-fashioned and prefer to do most of my shopping in actual stores where I can be obsessively indecisive in public.

So here I was, getting ready to post an open letter to Madewell asking them to pleeeeease open a store in Chicago. I decided to do some quick research because, although it’s extremely rare, I am occasionally clueless and uninformed about things.

And then I found it – *record scratch!!* – there IS a store in Chicago! At Old Orchard mall in Skokie! And it’s been there since October! Whaaa??

Let’s just say I’ll be making a pilgrimage out to Skokie sometime soon, and it won’t be to visit the Holocaust Museum. But it might include a side trip to Barnaby’s. Because pizza is a priority in my life. Always.

A walk in the park

These photos are of our walk in the park yesterday.

You know what else is a walk in the park? This weather we’ve been having! Amiright?? Somebody pinch me!

My hair was completely destroyed by the humidity this morning, but I’m not even mad – I’m impressed. It’s March!

Look at this weather.com forecast:

It was colder than this last year in June.

And did you notice that it’s going to be 71 degrees on Saturday? On St. Patrick’s Day? In Chicago?? Now that’s a recipe for mayhem if I ever saw one…