The office I work at right now is in the heart of a very busy part of the Loop. This is a place where various individuals and/or groups like to position themselves along the sidewalks holding up protest signs, asking for money, handing out pamphlets, pushing petitions and trying to convince you to change your feelings regarding politics/religion/morals/having discussions with complete strangers on the street.

There’s also a woman selling chocolate and singing the same song everyday. (“World’s Finest Chocolate, how ya doin’ today!”)

Yesterday, as I did my “city walk” through this three-ring circus to grab some lunch (sunglasses on, brisk walk, no eye contact), I was approached by no less than three people who mistook me for someone actively seeking information on the evils of abortion.

The first person shoved a pamphlet in my face, forcing me to do a quick sidestep as I narrowly avoided sustaining a paper cut to the eye.

The second person just stood there, her assault tactic being the picture of a ginormous bloody human fetus on her protest sign.

And the third person actually stepped into my path and  tried to talk to me (the worst!), asking, “Do you have a minute to help stop the mass murder of innocent babies?”

Well that’s a loaded question if I ever heard one.

“No,” was my response.

No, I would rather let those innocent babies die because they are less important than me getting to Subway one minute faster. And I’m a horrible person. Is that what you want me to say??

I just have one question for these people: If you are pro-life, then why are you making me want to kill you??

Also, some advice: Don’t mess with me at lunchtime. When I’m hungry, helping fetuses not get murdered takes a backseat to putting a turkey sub in my stomach.

And now you know why I’m going to hell.

I’m just wondering, how many people actually say, “Yes, I do have a minute, as a matter of fact. I was just walking aimlessly through the Loop, hoping someone would come up to me and engage me in conversation. I have absolutely nothing else I need to be doing right now.”


I’d like to get some stats on that.

And before I start getting hate comments, I’d just like to say that I’m not necessarily pro-choice or pro-life.  I’m just anti-getting accosted in the street. If you’d like to share your political/religious/moral views with me, I’m all ears–that’s what the comment section is for!

Rant over.

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