Please stand by

Internet connectivity issues continue to plague the House of Irwin. Also, the plague is plaguing us. As plagues tend to do. But this stuffy nose, scratchy throat and overall feeling that my body may collapse inward on itself at any moment are all getting old. Anyway, I’m posting this from my phone, which is less than ideal. If things don’t improve by the weekend, Comcast WILL be hearing from me, oh yes. And while that may sound like a threat, it’s not – my telephone demeanor is actually quite polite and agreeable. Just know this, Comcast: if, at the end of the call, I say ” Thank you” instead of “Thank you very much“… I am NOT happy with you. And now, a picture of Gatsby:


Gatsby’s happy place

A fresh load of laundry straight out of the dryer might be Gatsby’s favorite thing in the whole entire world.

That, or stealing napkins from people’s laps at the dinner table.

And actually, I can kind of see the appeal. (Of the laundry – not the napkin stealing.)

It’s warm, soft, smells good. If I could fit in that basket, I’d probably be right there with him.

Brace yourself

The Cutest Dog in the World just… got… CUTER!

I’ve been wanting to get my handsome little man a bow tie for a long time now. My sister gave me this one for my birthday (tomorrow marks 30 years of me being alive), and it’s pretty much the best thing ever.

Gatsby absolutely hates it but it’s not his birthday, now is it?


We took Gatsby for his yearly vet appointment yesterday. Turns out he’s a very healthy little guy with the exception of one thing: he’s fat.

Apparently the little porker has packed on an entire pound since this time last year. I’ve probably gained that much in the past day alone (I ate an offensive amount of spaghetti for dinner last night), but one pound is actually a lot when it counts for 1/6 of your body weight.

Clearly, Gatsby has really let himself go. Time to break out the doggy treadmill.

I plan on sitting him down tonight, giving him a pep talk and showing him this Super Bowl commercial for inspiration:

Does anyone else think that all the best Super Bowl commercials this year involved dogs? (Like this one!)

The biggest snoozer

Someone’s been enjoying this lazy three-day weekend.

Treats and snoozin’, snoozin’ and treats… (love Marcel!)

And on top of his day job of being The Cutest Dog in the World, Gatsby has also been moonlighting as The Cutest iPad Stand in the World. He’s a true professional.

P.S. Carlie Crash has a new look! You like? I’m trying to clean things up a bit around here. If you’re not on the actual site right now, come check it out and let me know what you think! (The header is a picture of my feet that I took while eating lunch outside last fall. I’m aware that this behavior is abnormal, but hey – it paid off!)

A New Year’s Eve message from Gatsby

Well, 2011 was awesome, just like me.  I’m now a big city dog, so you better recognize. I destroyed approximately 30 pieces of mail this year, which I believe is a personal best. In 2012, I hope to destroy the actual mailman. I’m already drunk, but when do I get to break into this champagne? Get me off this f@%$ing table.

Happy New Year!

Dapper doggy

For the past year or so, I’ve had a building desire to buy Gatsby a doggy bow tie. Because he’s just such a refined little gentleman.

This one is perfect, and it can be custom-made according to the size of your dog (which is important when your dog is only slightly bigger than a hamster).

But it’s also $42.00.

I think there are human bow ties that are cheaper than that (even if they are the clip-on kind).

And so my doggy bow tie lust remains unfulfilled…

Sweater 1, Gatsby 0

Last night, we tried to take Gatsby for a walk after work, as is our daily ritual.

The temperature had dipped below 40 degrees, and Gatsby hadn’t been in weather that cold since last winter. So naturally, as good pet-owners, we forced him into put him in his sweater.

Gatsby hates his sweater. With the burning passion of a thousand suns. No, a million suns.

Getting the thing on him in the first place is no easy task. It requires catching him (usually by gently pulling him out from under a table by one or two legs, whatever is within reach), shoving (again, gently) his head through the hole and then somehow wrangling his paws (which at this point are writing in protest) through the “sleeves.”

Then he completely freezes up (see the first photo).

Yesterday, we succeeded in unfreezing him and actually got him out the door, which was an accomplishment in and of itself. But then after he did his business and walked approximately half a block, he was done. He sat his little butt on the cold concrete sidewalk (really, Gatsby? That was better than walking?) and refused to move.

Walk over.

He is a handsome little devil though, isn’t he?

A tiny dog’s revenge

In what I think was an attempt at payback for waking him up to take this photo last night, Gatsby decided to assault us this morning.

As soon as the alarm went off, he sprung from underneath the covers and dive-bombed our faces, licking everything within reach of his (strangely long) tongue.

Then he barked incessantly at who-knows-what all morning, and cried when I yelled at him and threatened him with the spray bottle (water messes up his hair). And then he started barking again.

All I can say is that it’s a good thing he’s The Cutest Dog In the World.