A narcissist’s Thanksgiving

Yes, I had to Google how to spell “narcissist.” Guess what? I had it right! Am I the first person ever to try and chest-bump a computer screen? Maybe.

While I come down from that high, let’s talk about the real reason for this post. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. And thanks to one of those obnoxious trends on Facebook, we all know that everyone is thankful for their family, friends, health, pets, first world country amenities, Twilight, and Channing Tatum.


Of course I’m thankful for all the things that everyone else is thankful for. I’m not a sociopath. But I’ll just show my thankfulness to those things in my own way and use this blog for other purposes. Namely, proclaiming my awesomeness to all the land.

Instead of making a list of things I’m thankful for this year, I thought I’d make a list of things that should be thankful for me. Let’s get started:

1. Gatsby. He is an animal, and yet he lives a plush existence among humans inside our house. And I treat him like a king. A king, I tell you.

2. Gossip Girl. I think I might be the only person who still watches that show. XOXO, me.

3. Lindsay Lohan. I’m rooting for her! It’s about time we had a teen-actress-turned-trainwreck who actually turns herself around. Drew Barrymore was a long time ago, guys.

4. Will. I cleaned up some Gatsby puke in the hallway the other morning before he woke up that was right in his well-worn path from the bedroom to the bathroom.

5. Anyone who rides in my car in December. Because I just made the BEST Christmas CD ever!

6. Turkeys. I won’t be eating much of them tomorrow. I can’t bring myself to tear into something that still actually looks like a bird. I prefer meals that don’t have limbs or a ribcage.

7. Skinny jeans. I make them look gooood! (And by gooood, I mean satisfactory. I just felt like saying something really cocky.)

8. My parents. The most trouble I ever got in growing up was “talking to my neighbor” too much during Grandparents Day in kindergarten. I mean come on.

That’s all I can come up with right now, but as you can see, I’ve given many people and things a lot to be thankful for.

Hope everyone has a happy Thanksgiving! We’re heading to St. Louis this year, and I’m hoping for a visit to Ted Drewes to indulge in a pumpkin pie concrete. An ENTIRE piece of pumpkin pie. Blended with frozen custard. Talk about things to be thankful for!

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