So obviously I haven’t been writing too many blog posts lately. I warned you this might happen.

My life has suddenly become a whirlwind of:

wake up at the crack of dawn. shower. train. bundle up. walk to work. unbundle as fast as possible because walking briskly in a massive down coat, boots, gloves and a hat actually makes me HOT. check email. do work. go to a meeting. do work. go to a meeting. lunch. meeting. work. meeting. meeting. walk to train station. train. eat dinner. check craigslist for apartments. watch a TV show (if I’m lucky!). bed.

So not much room for writing in there.

Since I’m sure you’re thinking these exact words: “Oh no! Now that there’s very little new material on Carlie Crash these days, whatever shall I do with my free time?”

(p.s. You sound like a pansy.)

I thought I’d give you a list of things to do to occupy the time you would otherwise fill by pouring over the entrancing contents of this blog.

So please, don’t despair. Just think. Instead of fixating your lookin’ balls to the harsh glare of a computer screen, you could:

• Crochet a scarf! I used to do this in college when all of my friends were studying and making disparaging remarks about me not studying, but hey, I was an English major, we write papers, people. Lay off. Anyway, I now have about 8 long, scraggly strips of crocheted yarn that I never ever wear – and you could too!

• Take a new Facebook profile picture. Yes, you look adorable/creepy/hilarious in your Halloween costume, but that’s SO not relevant anymore. And…that is your Halloween costume…right?

• Send me a Christmas card! Care of my parents’ address, thankyouverymuch. I love Christmas cards! Especially ones with pictures. Or candy. Or cash. Lots of cash. I don’t get too many of those. I guess maybe that’s not a thing? Let’s make it a thing! Be the epitome of cool this Christmas and get on the ground floor of a hot new tradition – sending me cash! Everyone’s doing it – don’t be left out!

• Buy some seasonal outfits for your pets and take pictures of them so you can share their misery with all of your friends. Don’t have a pet? Buy a pet. That should keep you busy for awhile.

• Make a detailed, to-scale model of downtown Chicago using only pretzel dough and toothpicks. And don’t ever tell me you’re bored again.

So there you go. And just as quickly and mysteriously as I appeared in your Facebook feed or Google Reader, I shall retire into the obscure abyss of the internet, leaving you to breathlessly await my return…