Author Archives: carlieblissirwin

I can walk and think at the same time

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So our trip to Vegas was fun and I actually took pictures, but I actually did not have time to upload them. So stay tuned for that.

This morning, I got to my bus stop just in time to see the #11 bus speeding by without hesitation. I’m pretty sure the driver’s foot wasn’t even hovering over the brake, and I think he/she blew a stop sign. In front of an elementary school. Lucky for everyone, this post is not about how I watched a kid die this morning. But it very well could have been! <sternly wagging finger>

I stood helplessly at the curb for a moment, inhaling the exhaust fumes from the blur of speeding metal that was supposed to be my ride to work and yelling “Eff you, bus!” inside my head. (Swearing comes very unnaturally to me. Apparently I don’t even feel comfortable swearing to myself. Doggone it, what the heck is wrong with me?) Then I decided to just take the train. Which meant I’d have to do more walking. And when I walk, I think.

So, since I haven’t posted a list of random thoughts in awhile, I thought I’d invite you into my head to see some of the things that crossed my mind as I hoofed through the city this morning.

1. When it’s cold and sunny out, the people walking the streets of Chicago look like an army of Unabombers. Everywhere you go, hoods are up, sunglasses are on. Everyone looks a little shifty. And everyone walks briskly and looks straight ahead as if to say “Don’t mess with me or I will straight up Unabomb you.”

Image from Cornell College

2. Speaking of hoods, I have absolutely no peripheral vision when I have mine on. When I need to see something that’s not straight ahead of me, I have to turn my entire body. So I look like a Unabomber on a swivel stick.

3. One more thing about hoods – it’s spring, why am I still wearing one?? Oh yeah, I moved to Chicago. I’m pretty sure I did not even own a jacket with a hood the entire time I lived in St. Louis. But I lived in St. Louis…so I guess you win some, you lose some.

4. AAAGGHHH! EWWW! (This is what I thought when I got a piece of hair stuck to my lip gloss that was blonde and curly and NOT MINE. Thank God I breathe through my nose and my mouth was closed! I guess when you wear sticky lip gloss you are susceptible to attracting any small piece of matter floating in the wind. Lesson learned.)

5. What’s the difference between a latte and a cappuccino?

6. My Firefox browser on my home computer suddenly won’t let me hit the “back” button to go the site I was at previously. I’m not sure people can truly understand how annoying this is. I think it might be the biggest problem in my life right now. I don’t have a lot of problems right now.

7. I’m sleepy. I could really use some Boyz II Men Motown Philly up in here right now.

Image from McFly MusicinLife

8. I prefer revolving doors to regular ones, but they can be awkward sometimes. Like when it’s moving and you can just barely squeeze into the section going by, do you go for it? Or just wait a second for the next section  to come around?

And then I got to my desk and my thoughts became normal again.

Happy Friday!

Will loves the Cubs

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Ok, the title of this post is completely untrue. I wish I wasn’t a liar.

But even though Will is a die-hard St. Louis Cardinals fan, he is now associated with all things Windy City, based merely on proximity.

What am I talking about?

Carlie Crashers, I have some exciting news:

I have a husband again! Who lives with me! In the same city! And the same apartment!

Yaaaaaaaaay! (After going out for St. Patrick’s Day on Saturday, I can’t read/hear the word “yay” without picturing it being said by a drunk girl sloppily hugging her best friend while spilling green beer on her shoulder because she agreed to share her lip gloss.)

So yeah, I have a live-in spouse again, which is much better than the long-distance version. And the best part is that he was finally able to move up to Chicago with me because he got a new job that sounds like it will be a fantastic opportunity. So everyone is WINNING. (Except the word “winning” itself, thanks to Charlie Sheen. It’s probably been the most over-used word in the English language over the past couple weeks. And I just contributed to that. Sorry.)

Of course with Will living here, I’ll probably have to do the laundry more than once every 3 weeks and actually make stuff for dinner instead of heating up leftover pizza from the weekend or throwing a handful of shredded cheese on a tortilla and calling it a quesadilla. And now I’ll have to run around after him straightening up all the time because I’m a hyperactive neat freak and he’s a normal person.

But I’m pretty sure it’s worth it to be reunited with my other half. I couldn’t even bring myself to update my “Current city” to Chicago on Facebook until Will was living here too, if that says anything.

And if Will moving to Chicago isn’t exciting enough, we also just booked a trip to Vegas for next weekend! We were hoping to get a last minute travel deal to a tropical beach where we could relax and sip mojitos for a couple days, but travel deals only exist when it’s not spring break season and airline ticket prices are not in the midst of skyrocketing. So Vegas it is.

Stay tuned for a post about our trip our next week! In the meantime, I’ll be frantically applying self tanner, running to stores like Forever 21 and H&M to stock up on cheap, sparkly Vegas clothes (when in Rome…) and glaring at Will every time my alarm goes off in the morning since he gets to sleep in all week.

What would be worse…?

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About a week ago, Will and I drove to the Sweeney household in Woodstock, IL for their annual Groundhog Day party, two weeks after the actual occurrence of Groundhog Day. (When people lead busy lives, sometimes you have to improvise.)

A grand time was had by all. Drinks were imbibed. Roasted red pepper hummus was consumed. Beer pong was played. And the cinematic Bill Murray classic Groundhog Day (filmed in Woodstock!) was played. And re-played. And re-played again. (Fitting, right?)

Is it me, or does Bill Murray's face look kind of weird and photoshopped here?

Since boys smell bad and have cooties, the group became segregated. The men were relegated to the basement to grunt, scratch and watch sporting events and the women gathered upstairs around the wine and food.

In a group of about eight women, one was pregnant, one was a labor and delivery nurse, and one was pregnant and a labor and delivery nurse. So naturally, the conversation turned to mucus plugs.

What??

Yeah, that was my reaction too.

Or mine was more like, “EWWW!! Wait. What’s a mucus plug?”

Response from my (apparently more knowledgeable) friends:

“Haha Carlie you’re hilarious, the way you know absolutely nothing about anything medical or baby-related!”

“You’re going to be such a cute, clueless mom!”

“Your strong aversion to bodily fluids is precious!”

“It’s funny how you call yourself a woman and you don’t know about these things!”

“I’m concerned for your future children…”

Silence.

Ok, they weren’t that harsh. I’m friends with very nice people. But laughing and labeling me as “cute” was involved. Which I didn’t mind at all.

They also successfully avoided answering my question.

Seriously, what is a mucus plug? My own mother wouldn’t even tell me when I asked her the next day, since we were in “mixed company.” She needs to learn the earmuffs trick.

I know I could very easily Google the term and have an answer, but I think what’s stopping me is that I actually DO NOT want to know what a mucus plug is. I don’t like to think about mucus at all, let alone an excess of mucus so great as to necessitate a plug.

I’m sorry, is this post as painful for you to read as it is for me to write? Let’s bond in our suffering.

On a related note, Will and I came up with a fun and horrifying game the other day.

It started when I asked the question:

“What would be worse: getting brutally ravaged by machine gun fire like Sonny in The Godfather, or giving birth?”

“Easy,” replied my always practical, sometimes unsympathetic husband. “Giving birth would be worse. With the machine guns, it’s over so quickly, you probably don’t feel much pain. Birth goes on for a long time and you’re well aware of the intense pain and suffering you’re going through.”

Valid point.

This went on for a little while.

What would be worse:

  • Dropping a refrigerator on your foot or giving birth?
  • Stapling your eyeball or giving birth?
  • Being attacked by a shark or giving birth?
  • Removing your skin with a vegetable peeler or giving birth?
  • Amputating your own arm because it’s stuck under a rock and you’re in a deserted canyon or giving birth?
  • Being a character in one of those Saw movies or giving birth?
  • Just watching one of those Saw movies or giving birth?
  • Getting your face chewed off by a monkey or giving birth?

It gives one a lot to think about…

(Namely – just how bad do we really want to have kids??)

I missed my blog’s 1st birthday!

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Yes, this blog turned one year old on Feb. 15 and I didn’t post about it because I am officially a neglectful blogger.

Eh, I’m not too broken up about it. But it is weird to think that I’ve been doing this for a whole year already.

Last year, Feb. 15 was President’s Day, so Will and I both had the day off. I was still stewing about the fact that the day before (Valentine’s Day), Will was in recovery mode from the festivities of the previous night (I have no clue what those were), so we spent V-day laying on the couch and I drank a bottle of champagne by myself. I woke up on the 15th determined to do something productive with my day off so I got dressed, went to Borders and wrote my very first blog post. Then Will took me out to dinner, thanks to guilt. And the fact that he was hungry.

Feb. 15 one year later was a bit different. I woke up in Chicago, NOT St. Louis, hopped on a bus to work, spent my day writing and reviewing copy, went to Chipotle to grab dinner, got a pretty decent haircut, walked home, greeted Gatsby, worked on a freelance job, watched Gossip Girl and went to bed.

Reading between the lines of those descriptions, it’s pretty clear to me that a lot has changed in a year. President’s Day is falling a whole week later, for one thing. And my hair is shorter.

But really, my life (and consequently this blog), is a lot different than it was a year ago. Here’s a nice little recap of what’s happened between then and now:

  • I started this blog (obvi)
  • I turned 28
  • The Hurt Locker won Best Picture (I watched it 6 months later)
  • Thanks to the Winter Olympics, I decided that I want to go to Vancouver and Johnny Weir is awesome
  • I got 4 good haircuts and 1 pretty bad one
  • We went to a Bulls game
  • I became addicted to Bethenny Getting Married. Also Giuliana and Bill.
  • I ate fried green tomatoes and learned to decipher weird southern accents in Charleston, SC
  • I was asked to run a promotion on my blog and thought “Yes, I can make big bucks off this thing!” and haven’t been contacted by anyone else since
  • We lost Will’s grandpa (but not in spirit, of course)
  • We bumped into the Jersey Shore cast in Miami
  • I was introduced to a bar video game called Photo Hunt
  • I held a baby
  • We drank margaritas on the San Antonio Riverwalk. That’s also where I got this pesky cold that I’m pretty sure I still have.
  • I watched my first World Cup game in its entirety and may have even cheered at one point (beer makes everything more fun)
  • I made a Baby Bucket List, and have since checked off approximately one item
  • Mel Gibson confirmed that he is, in fact, a racist, violent, alcoholic crazy man
  • We went to several weddings, traveling to exotic places like Iowa and Kankakee, IL
  • The Hills came to an end. However, bad reality TV in general did not (thank God)
  • Gatsby inhaled an unhealthy amount of sand in Michigan
  • We celebrated our 3 year anniversary by spending the day by the rooftop pool at the St. Louis Four Seasons (which has since become my “happy place”)
  • I actually had fun at my 10 year high school reunion
  • I baked
  • Our nephew Levi was born
  • Our niece Bethany was born
  • We decided to move to Chicago. Half of us made it. (But the other half is on the way!)
  • I started a new job and it’s pretty great
  • I moved in with my parents
  • I started a long distance relationship (with my husband, silly!)
  • We became permanent residents of Chicago
  • I survived a major blizzard
  • I got tired of writing this list

Whew! What a year, what a year…

Hopefully in this next year of blogging, I’ll tell you about how Will got an awesome job here in Chicago and we went on amazing vacations to Europe and several tropical islands and we won the lottery and bought a fancy condo and we still don’t have kids. We’ll see…

Gone (ice) fishing

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“The eskimos had fifty-two names for snow because it was important to them; there ought to be as many for love.” ~Margaret Atwood


I’ve got a few choice names for snow right about now.

I’d tell you what they are, but my frost-bitten fingers are struggling to type.

Is it sad that I’m looking forward to 35-degree weather this weekend? Yes. But I really am looking forward to it.

Another bright side: walking around the city is a much better workout when you’re basically walk-running to get to warmth as quickly as possible.

Sorry I’ve been MIA this week. Gatsby puked on my Snuggie and I haven’t had a chance to wash it yet, so in order to type, I would have to pull my arms out from under my blanket and that’s just not happening. But I’ll be back next week!

I hope everyone has a fabulous “Celebrate-Valentine’s-Day-Now-Because-It-Falls-on-a-Monday-This-Year” weekend! I’ll be spending it with my two loves: Gatsby and champagne.

I think Will is going to be there too.

Cheers!

Blizzaster!

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If you live in the Midwest, I don’t need to explain to you why I worked from home yesterday and why, since I park on the street, I won’t be able to drive my car anytime in the forseeable future.

If you don’t live in the Midwest, you’re missing out! In case you didn’t hear, us Midwesterners just got dominated by a snowstorm affectionately referred to in the following ways: Blizzaster! Snowmageddon! Snowpocalypse! SnOMG!

Here in Chicago, most places got around 20 inches. That’s like three Gatsbys stacked on top of each other. People are skiing through the streets and Tuesday night Lake Shore Drive became probably the coldest, snowiest version of hell you can think of. Motorists got stranded in their cars, formed primitive tribes to survive and started looting 7-Elevens and eating each other.

Ok, it wasn’t that bad.

But let’s talk about my problems.

Such as:

I know it’s hard to see, but in the center of that photo, between the blue van and the tree, lies my car. Anyone have any thoughts on how I can begin to dig it out?

Oh, and here’s a key bit of information: I do not currently own a shovel. So we have to get creative with this one!

Even though I was supposed to be working at home yesterday, I decided to take a break in the late afternoon to walk around the block and survey the blizzard aftermath (and then write this post). It was quiet and pretty. And cold. And I’m glad I could enjoy it before it all turns into icy, slushy nastiness.

Well grass, it’s been real. I guess we’ll see you again in April.

Check out our new digs

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As you know, Will and I moved all of our stuff to a new apartment in Chicago at the beginning of this month, and I have been unpacking ever since.

Well it looks as though I might finally be done! Almost. I still have a few bags/boxes that I threw in the closet and haven’t dealt with yet. But their contents are not of high importance to my everyday life, so guess what? They’re going to stay in the closet for awhile.

Also, I haven’t touched Will’s “Man Room.” Yes, Will has a Man Room. Aren’t I a good wife? He doesn’t even live here yet, and I already have an entire room of our apartment dedicated to his gender. Currently, it is filled with piles of law books, sporting equipment and various gaming consoles. So trash, basically. And I’m not touching it.

Anyway, the point of this post is that our apartment is finally starting to look like a home, and I wanted to share it with you! When you  spend hours upon hours of your life moving, hanging and organizing stuff you kind of want to show off the final product.

So without further ado…

Here’s the living room!

That’s Gatsby on the couch, not an erect Beanie Baby or creepy porcelain figurine. He’s all, “Oh heeey, what’s going on? You’re photographing me in my natural habitat? If I had known, I would have straightened up a bit and put on my red velvet smoking jacket. I guess you’ll just have to settle for me looking debonair, relaxing on the couch with my perfect posture. Thank God I used Crest White Strips last night. Can I offer you an aperitif?”

So you see that Gatsby has certainly made himself at home.

As an interesting side note, I have some photos of what the apartment looked like when the tenants before us lived here. Here’s their version of the living room (Please excuse the photo quality. It’s bad when cameras get wet. Now you know why.) :

What do you think? I do love their coffee table. And the huge mirror. And the pink chair. Will would throw a major hissy if I ever suggested buying a pink chair. Gatsby, on the other hand, would appreciate the nice pop of color it brings to the room.

Here’s another view of OUR living room:

Gatsy: “Oh hey wait, now you’re taking a picture from another angle? I just happened to be heading up to the top of the couch. I guess I’ll allow one more photograph. See how I cross my legs in front of me like a true gentleman?”

And here’s the old living room from the same angle:

They had a lot of plants. And a bird! These people were cultured.

And here are some photos of other rooms in the apartment that looked presentable at the time when I was walking around with my camera:

Dining room

Gatsby's dining room

Bathroom

Bedroom

Oh, suddenly Gatsby’s turned shy.

So that’s the tour of our new place! There’s another bathroom, an office area, and of course the Man Room, but those parts aren’t suitable for public viewing yet.

Hopefully sometime this spring, we’ll have a housewarming party, and if I know you and am comfortable welcoming you to our place of residence, you might be invited!

Happy day-before-Friday!

Fridge facts

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Right now the wind chill in Chicago is -10 degrees.

Also, everyone seems to be all up in arms about the Chinese president shutting down River North and messing up their commute, but I didn’t have any problems or notice anything going on. I was too busy making sure I could still feel my extremities and pretending I was on a beach in Maui.

When I imagined that the overweight guy trudging in front of me was actually a Hawaiian native carrying a tiki torch and beckoning me to follow him to a luau and pig roast, I actually started to feel a little warm.

It’s all about state of mind, people.

Anyway, this freezing cold weather reminds me of refrigerators, which reminds me of a conversation Will and I had with our friends Cynthia and Rick (Shout out: What up Cynthia and Rick!?) at brunch last weekend.

I don’t know how we got on the subject, but at one point Will blurted out that the contents of my refrigerator are shameful, or something to that effect (thanks for the support, hubby!).

I hadn’t really thought about it before, but I began listing out everything in my fridge, and that list went something like this:

  • Brita water pitcher
  • Butter
  • Leftover Thai food
  • Tortillas
  • Bottle of champagne
  • Shredded cheddar cheese
  • Ranch dressing
  • A half full bottle of Gatorade

That’s. It.

So what do the contents of my fridge say about me?

I think the answer is clearly that I am either a bachelor or a frat boy. But my refrigerator better watch what it’s saying because obviously that’s not true. (Check yourself before you wreck yourself, Fridge!)

It seems that people who have their life in order generally tend to go grocery shopping on a regular basis. At this point, that is not me.

Sadly, I still seem somewhat incapable of completing everyday lifestyle-related tasks in a timely manner.

But I’m making progress! This week, I did some responsible organized things like get our utility bills in order and take out the trash (and recycling!). Next week, I hope to vacuum the apartment, blog more and maybe buy some food.

We’ll see.

Farewell, my sweet Kardashians…

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I just had a realization: I watch too much TV.

“You’re just now realizing that??” (This is what I guarantee Will said in his head (or maybe even outloud!) after reading that first sentence.)

Let me just stop you right there, Will (and everyone else).

I’m not saying I watch too much TV in general. It’s a harmless, entertaining way to relax at the end of the day, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. What I’m saying is that I watch too much TV for my life situation right now.

Case in point*:

*(I just had to look up what “case in point” means to make sure I was using it correctly, and I was! Also, it’s an idiom if you didn’t know that. Not to be confused with an idiot, which is what I feel like right now since I’m an editor and an English major and I’m still Googling commonly used phrases.)

Here is a list of responsibilities I have in my life right now:

1. Work (which takes up at least 8 hours every weekday.)

2. Freelance publishing projects (just started this but I think it’s going to turn into a bit of a time commitment.)

3. Food & Drink contributor for Girls Guide to the Galaxy (re-launching in February!)

4. Working out (I found some classes nearby that I want to take and I can’t wait to start! Next week…)

5. This blog (I love you, but you are seriously a time suck.)

6. Unpacking my apartment (YES, this is still happening.)

7. Having some semblance of a social life (This is very important for my survival.)

8. Daily health-related and hygienic tasks such as bathing, brushing my teeth, and sleeping

Here is a list of all of the TV shows I’m currently watching:

1. Desperate Housewives

2. Kendra

3. How I Met Your Mother

4. The Bachelor

5. The Real Housewives of Atlanta

6. The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

7. The Jersey Shore

8. Glee

9. Gossip Girl

10. Breaking Bad

11. The Office

12. Community

13. Parks and Recreation

14. 30 Rock

15. Millionaire Matchmaker

16. Keeping Up with the Kardashians

I think there’s more, but I just listed 14 hours per week that I am sitting (more like slouching/laying) in front of the television, and I think you get my point. I don’t have time for this. (Don’t worry, Glee, I’m not talking to you! Or you, Gossip Girl! Or you, 30 Rock!)

So it’s time to make some cuts. The question is, what are they? It’s my own personal Sophie’s Choice, I’m telling you.

Well… some cuts aren’t that hard to make. I am talking to you, Kardashians and Millionaire Matchmaker. It’s not that I have something against dark-haired women with oversized rear ends. It’s just that I think it will be good for me to spend less time watching rich people drink champagne, buy Chanel bags and use helicopters as their primary mode of transportation.

Bye bye!

Toodles!

After that, the cuts get a bit harder. My gut is telling me to cut the Real Housewives because those shows are somewhat trashy and mind-numbing, but I’m not sure I can bring myself to do it. The bottom line: they bring me joy. Yes, I just said that.

Please weigh in, if you feel so inclined. What other shows do I watch that are a ridiculous waste of time and make you ashamed to be associated with me? (Don’t say all of them!)

If you need me, I’ll be in my new kitchen deciding where to put this crock pot I’ve never used.

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Last week was a bit crazy.

Long story short, we packed up our St. Louis apartment, loaded everything into a Uhaul truck in the middle of a tornado (yes, a real tornado, not a figurative tornado of activity or emotions), drove to Chicago on New Year’s Eve, fell asleep before midnight, and moved into our new place in Chicago on New Years Day.

And now I am unpacking. FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

Seriously, I think the boxes are somehow multiplying.

Throughout all of this, two things crossed my mind:

1. I really wish I was more of a minimalist.

2. I really hope we love this new apartment because as of right now, I never ever want to move again in my life ever.

So, while I’m trying to make progress and hoping I don’t lose Gatsby under an avalanche of boxes, I will be continuing my holiday blog hiatus for the rest of this week.

Happy 2011 and Bachelor premier week, everyone!!

I’ll be back.