Because this is awesome.
From NY Magazine:
“Roddy McDowall’s private home video collection has been uploaded to YouTube and it’s an amazing snapshot of summer parties with the rich and famous of a different era. Natalie Wood, Sal Mineo, Kirk Douglas and so many more make cameo appearances.”
Soooo cool! Click here for more videos.
“They’re more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts.”
Wise words from Tina Fey.
I’m almost done reading Bossypants, and I’m kind of sad because I wish there was more. I guess the only good thing about finishing the book is that I can stop feeling jealous of how talented Tina Fey is. Until I start watching the new season of 30 Rock…
Image from amazon.com.
I just had a realization: I watch too much TV.
“You’re just now realizing that??” (This is what I guarantee Will said in his head (or maybe even outloud!) after reading that first sentence.)
Let me just stop you right there, Will (and everyone else).
I’m not saying I watch too much TV in general. It’s a harmless, entertaining way to relax at the end of the day, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. What I’m saying is that I watch too much TV for my life situation right now.
Case in point*:
*(I just had to look up what “case in point” means to make sure I was using it correctly, and I was! Also, it’s an idiom if you didn’t know that. Not to be confused with an idiot, which is what I feel like right now since I’m an editor and an English major and I’m still Googling commonly used phrases.)
Here is a list of responsibilities I have in my life right now:
1. Work (which takes up at least 8 hours every weekday.)
2. Freelance publishing projects (just started this but I think it’s going to turn into a bit of a time commitment.)
3. Food & Drink contributor for Girls Guide to the Galaxy (re-launching in February!)
4. Working out (I found some classes nearby that I want to take and I can’t wait to start! Next week…)
5. This blog (I love you, but you are seriously a time suck.)
6. Unpacking my apartment (YES, this is still happening.)
7. Having some semblance of a social life (This is very important for my survival.)
8. Daily health-related and hygienic tasks such as bathing, brushing my teeth, and sleeping
Here is a list of all of the TV shows I’m currently watching:
1. Desperate Housewives
2. Kendra
3. How I Met Your Mother
4. The Bachelor
5. The Real Housewives of Atlanta
6. The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
7. The Jersey Shore
8. Glee
9. Gossip Girl
10. Breaking Bad
11. The Office
12. Community
13. Parks and Recreation
14. 30 Rock
15. Millionaire Matchmaker
16. Keeping Up with the Kardashians
I think there’s more, but I just listed 14 hours per week that I am sitting (more like slouching/laying) in front of the television, and I think you get my point. I don’t have time for this. (Don’t worry, Glee, I’m not talking to you! Or you, Gossip Girl! Or you, 30 Rock!)
So it’s time to make some cuts. The question is, what are they? It’s my own personal Sophie’s Choice, I’m telling you.
Well… some cuts aren’t that hard to make. I am talking to you, Kardashians and Millionaire Matchmaker. It’s not that I have something against dark-haired women with oversized rear ends. It’s just that I think it will be good for me to spend less time watching rich people drink champagne, buy Chanel bags and use helicopters as their primary mode of transportation.
Bye bye!
Toodles!
After that, the cuts get a bit harder. My gut is telling me to cut the Real Housewives because those shows are somewhat trashy and mind-numbing, but I’m not sure I can bring myself to do it. The bottom line: they bring me joy. Yes, I just said that.
Please weigh in, if you feel so inclined. What other shows do I watch that are a ridiculous waste of time and make you ashamed to be associated with me? (Don’t say all of them!)
I grew up listening to lite rock. NOT by choice. Let’s make that clear.
It was just that my mom happened to be a suburban 30-something-year-old woman whose preferred method of transportation was a Dodge minivan with Lite fm 93.9 firmly holding its spot on radio preset button #1.
She also wore shirts adorned with masterfully self-applied puffy paint and iron-on decals. You know the type. And if you grew up in the 80s/90s that type was probably your mom also.
It wasn’t until I reached my tween years that I discovered there were other kinds of music out there besides synthesized pop and the strained crooning produced by the vocal chords of Kenny Loggins and the like.
That’s when I swore off lite rock and began storing my Michael Bolton tape in the back of my sock drawer.
But then a funny thing happened.
I’m a station surfer when I drive, so whenever a bad song comes on, I hit the seek button until I find something I like. A few years ago, I noticed an alarming pattern associated with this behavior.
Inexplicably, I found myself pausing upon hearing the familiar chords of a Chicago or REO Speedwagon song.
What?!? Why?!? I don’t even LIKE that music!
Or do I…?
Ok, ok, I DO. But only in small doses.
I don’t know if I actually enjoy the music or if it’s just the nostalgia of hearing the soundtrack to my childhood (I’m inclined the believe the latter), but I will publicly admit that I don’t completely dislike lite rock.
So since I posted a list of my favorite oldies to welcome summer a few months back, I decided to compile a list of my favorite lite rock songs to welcome fall. Even though lite rock really has nothing to do with fall. As previous posts have indicated, I clearly have no qualms about making extremely loose connections and exploiting them on this blog.
So here’s the list:
What are YOUR favorites? And don’t act like you’re too cool for lite rock…
I know the title of this post is strange. But if you think that Britney Spears, high school and babies are three random things that are totally unrelated, then you would be wrong.
Here’s my explanation summed up in one sentence because I’m not feeling overly verbose today:
The Britney Spears episode of Glee last night was AWESOME, Britney was super popular when I was in high school, and I just had my high school reunion last weekend where I saw a lot of old friends who now have babies.
You see? It’s all very logical.
And to continue on this streak of organized mental clarity, I am now going to break that sentence down into three parts and expound upon each section. Kind of like a nice little five paragraph essay. Which I wrote a lot of in high school. Another logical connection!
PART 1: The Britney Spears episode of Glee last night was AWESOME.
This is pretty self-explanatory. If you don’t watch Glee or missed the episode, I am so sorry. I feel bad for you like I felt bad for Lloyd and Harry at the end of Dumb & Dumber when they sent the bus full of bikini models toward town to find two oil boys that could have been them if they were smarter. But then of course they’d have to change the title of the movie. Anyway… you poor sap.
With the combination of Britney songs, Brittany’s awesome dancing, and references to Lady Bird Johnson’s tramp stamp and Kids Incorporated, I’d have to say last night’s episode might very well be the most entertaining hour of TV I’ve ever watched. All of that combined with television legend John Stamos (yes, I said that) had me entranced in a daze of happiness by the end of the show, muttering to myself “Is this real life…?” (Again, I feel bad for you if you didn’t see the show, because you totally didn’t get that reference.)
PART 2: Britney was super popular when I was in high school.
I was a sophomore in high school when Hit Me Baby One More Time hit the radio, maybe a few too many times (I did get a little sick of it). But pop culture would never be the same. And thus began a period in my life when Britney dance moves were routinely mimicked at Homecoming and Turn-A-Bout dances and her songs were included on every mix tape I made (yes, I was making mix tapes).
So you can understand why I was a little bit depressed when she became a vicious, bald, umbrella-wielding psychopath a few years ago.
I loved the Britney Spears of 1999. I feared the Britney Spears of 2007. And I’m on the fence about the Britney Spears of 2010. She may have made a somewhat successful comeback, and she looked decent on Glee, but she’s seriously not the same. If she was, she would have been singing and dancing along with the cast and had more than three empty lines on the show. Now she’s sort of just a puppet for her “brand” – the passion and talent are gone.
PART 3: I just had my high school reunion last weekend where I saw a lot of old friends who now have babies.
Let’s move on to something a bit happier, shall we? If you read my last post, I’m sure you were wondering how my 10 year high school reunion went. And if you weren’t, you’re going to find out anyway.
It was so much fun!
The festivities started with the Homecoming football game on Friday night (where they had fireworks – seems the booster club has become a bit more profitable since I was there!), and ended with me dancing at a bar in Chicago until 2 am with old friends, some of whom I hadn’t seen in years. And everyone had babies. But not at the bar. (I was sort of hoping to be able to use Reese Witherspoon’s “You have a baby! At a BAR” line from Sweet Home Alabama, but alas…)
And you know what was weird? Besides the fact that at least three of the babies were named Tyler? (Is it really that common of a name??)
Everyone was pretty much the same. Most people looked and acted exactly the same, except maybe a teensy bit more mature.
In conclusion (that’s how I always ended my five paragraph essays), I love Glee, and even though Britney Spears has changed (in a bad way) since high school, it seems that most people haven’t. In a good way.
Funny how easy it is to hang out with the people you grew up with, even if it’s been years since the last time you talked. I guess when we spent every waking hour together in high school, we got to know each other pretty well. And that will never change.
Last Sunday night, I watched the Emmys. Or most of the Emmys – Mad Men came on at 9 pm and hello! Priorities!
I think it’s a little ridiculous how red carpet fashion gets analyzed and critiqued to death but I also love it a little bit too. It’s a nice way to remind celebrities that although they may be beautiful and talented (for the most part), they can’t be perfect all the time. And when they’re not, they will be subjected to a ruthless public flogging.
While the fashion commentators get a little technical at times, throwing terms around like silhouette and drape, I don’t think most Americans care enough to even consider whether or not a cowl neck is flattering on Demi Moore’s bone structure or whatever.
For those who are interested in an honest first impression-based opinion from a person who does read fasion blogs but doesn’t know why because they make her feel completely inadequate, here are some of my thoughts.
Note: I’m not going to list off designers because who really cares, and if you are actually intending on running out and buying Versace because you saw it on some celebrity, then can you send me an offshoot of that money tree you have growing in your backyard?
Anna Paquin
Here we have warrior princess Anna, who after successfully slaying the evil golden-scaled dragon, decided to skin it and fashion it into a mini breast plate. Kind of like a crop top of armor with shoulder pads.
Christina Hendricks
BOOBS. Not crazy about the color or feathers that make it look like it’s been so long since she last shaved her pits that her hair has spider webs growing from it. But her face and red hair are sooo pretty. And I’m totally heterosexual, but wow her figure is banging. And BOOBS.
January Jones
I LOVE that color. I bet if you lick this dress it tastes like blueberries. The rest of January is a hot mess. Hopefully whoever got to sit on either side of her in the theater could see over the flared out wings of distracting flashing blueness that was hitting them in the face.
Heidi Klum
Cute, but short. Kind of like an embellished corset with no pants. I bet the paparazzi were on high alert crotch-watch when she stepped out of the limo. Luckily when you have friends like Tim Gunn, you know how to be ladylike.
Kim Kardashian
To-ga! To-ga! Kim, the Four Seasons called and they want their sheets back. Actually, I like this dress. It’s not black, sheer, lacy or painted on. Are we sure this is Kim Kardashian?
Tina Fey
Ooh she looks sassy here! I used to want to be an Egyptologist and I’m pretty sure it says “30 Rock Rules” and “I got to kiss Jon Hamm so all you other ladies can suck it” across her chest in heiroglyphics.
Betty White
Awwww. And awwww. She looks like my grandma wrapped in a sunset. These days Betty can do no wrong and I’m pretty sure if I said anything mean about her outfit, someone would start a Facebook page petitioning to have me killed.
Claire Danes
Sparkles! If I ever get invited to a black tie red carpet event, I think this is the kind of dress I would wear. Except I would look less like a Barbie doll and more like…well, someone who doesn’t belong at a red carpet event. P.S. I had to squint and put my face up against my computer screen to make sure this was actually Claire Danes. Angela? From My So-Called Life? Are you in there?
For more fashion commentary that’s actually funny and actually fashion commentary, check out Tom & Lorenzo where I got all of these photos. No one does fashion like the gays.
Just so that I can buy this adorable frog pillow thing and put the baby in it.
This particular baby is Bethenny Frankel’s. I first spotted the frog pillow with her baby nestled snuggly in its arms on her reality show, and I think it was the first time in my life that my heart melted at the sight of something infant-related.
It was stupidly cute.
I actually hit rewind so I could see it and swoon again. Twice.
It was Sunday morning and I was home alone, and yet I still could not keep myself from saying “Awwwww” out loud. And it probably sounded just as annoying as you’re imagining, so I guess it’s a good thing that no one was there. Then I went to find Gatsby because the sight of that whole ridiculously cute frog pillow situation made me want to cuddle with something.
First hints of maternal instincts?
I don’t know.
The fact that this pillow that I MUST HAVE whenever a baby Irwin comes into our lives is actually something that I can place said baby in to get it out of my way may indicate otherwise.
Also, for a split second it crossed my mind that I could buy the pillow now for Gatsby. A frog cuddling with a tiny dog? Shut up. I die. (Yes, I also watch The Rachel Zoe Project.)
So really my obsession with the frog pillow may not be baby-related at all. I just can’t handle the cuteness of a small creature snuggled up with an affectionate plush frog. My heart swells, my eyes tear up, I cock my head to one side, smile like a freaking idiot and explode into tiny pieces of heart-shaped cartoon confetti.
I may have just discovered my kryptonite.
Regardless, the fact remains that someday a similar frog pillow WILL be mine (oh yes), and if it means that in order to get one I have to have a baby to put in it…then so it shall be.
You know how lately a bunch of reality shows have been showing way too much footage of people giving birth?
In the past 6 months alone we’ve had:
Kendra popping out Hank Jr.
Kourtney K. pulling Mason out of herself (shudder).
Real Housewife Teresa screaming bloody murder from her epidural and bringing forth another expensive life that undoubtedly did nothing to help her family’s bankruptcy situation.
Other Real Housewife Bethenny dealing with the intense pain of childbirth by gripping her bed rails so hard she almost tore the thing apart while her terrified husband looked on.
And so far, each reality TV birth that I’ve watched (or the parts that I’ve glimpsed when I’m not covering my face in horror) is more graphic, gruesome, bloody, and fluid-y than the next.
It’s like watching one of the Saw movies that takes place in a hospital. (Does one of those movies take place in a hospital? I don’t know. I would never subject myself to watching that stuff.)
It’s not beautiful or touching. It’s really, really scary.
And I think I know why:
It’s all part of a secret government plan to get lazy, shallow people to stop procreating!
Hear me out.
FACT: Americans are multiplying at an alarming and possibly unsustainable rate.
FACT: Most people who spend a lot of their time watching reality TV are not contributing a ton to society (yes, I realize I’m talking about myself here).
Why not target all of the women out there who enjoy watching (and maybe aspire to be) spoiled, whiny socialites and barrage them with horrifying footage of the painful, emotional, body-destroying process of child birth?
They will never, ever want to have children.
And that, my friends, is the point. Because the last thing this country needs is more vapid reality TV addicts.
Did I just blow your mind?
If I’m any proof, The Plan is working. In order to get to the point where I’m not terrified of having kids, I better stop watching Bravo and E! altogether. But that’s quite a sacrifice.
P.S. Readers, if I happen to conveniently “disappear” in the next couple of weeks, you’ll know what I’ve told you is TRUE…
P.P.S. Who watched the finale of The Bachelorette on Monday?? Love! Honor! Tropical paradise! A shirtless Roberto! No child births! It was pretty great. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that I have a good feeling about Ali and Roberto. (NOTE: I did NOT say that about Jake and Vienna.)
I took the day off today, everybody! This morning, while you’re sitting and staring at your computer screens, I’m sitting…staring…at my computer screen.
Balls.
I’m trying to do at least two blog posts a week, and while there are absolutely no consequences for not meeting that goal, that doesn’t stop me from giving myself a mental lashing and experiencing what I can only assume is similar to Catholic guilt. (Not to compare my wrath to that of God. I repeat, I am NOT comparing myself to God. I see myself as more of a Jesus. At least when it comes to footwear – love those gladiator sandals!)
The best thing about this lovely day off of mine is that I have absolutely no plans until 5 pm, at which time I will be escorted by my dashing tuxedo-clad husband to his cousin Nicole’s wedding (yay for love!). In the meantime, I plan to relax and thoroughly enjoy my time off.
Which means that I will spend the majority of the day sitting around and worrying that I’m not enjoying my time off enough.
This self-defeating attitude has already begun, as I am currently silently scolding myself while writing this very sentence (too many words! in my head! flying around!) for doing something that requires me to think and not tune out in a total state of relaxation.
It’s like I have an abusive relationship with my laptop – leaving it is easier said than done. (Cue that new Rihanna and Eminem song and picture me, in a defeated, crumpled heap on the floor while my computer towers over me. Slowly, I reach for the keyboard, tears streaming down my face… It’s alright because I like the way it hurts…)
Wow, that can’t be healthy.
So, I am hereby signing off from my computer today (this is not binding, by the way, and does not include my phone) and figuring out a better way to relax, away from the soft glow of technology, before I develop carpal tunnel and my retinas spontaneously detach themselves.
How about…NO, okay computer?
<i miss you already>
I (and the rest of America it seems) have had a love/hate relationship with The Hills.
I love the pretty clothes, the pretty boys, the glamorized SoCal lifestyle, and the fact that the conversations between Audrina and Justin Bobby make me feel really smart and glad that I didn’t do a lot of drugs in college.
I hate the forced plotlines, the fake jobs, the fake hair, and the shame I feel for actually watching the show. Oh, the shame.
But I like to consider myself a “student of life,” and my life these days includes a lot of really dumb reality shows like The Hills. So in light of the series finale last night (and the extra half hour I’ll have every week to do something more productive like work on my novel – HA!) here are some things that I actually learned from watching this show over the past four years.
1. It’s always sunny in L.A. Always. (Feal the rain on your skin? What rain, Natasha Bedingfield??)
2. If you like clothes, go to fashion school and interview very, very poorly, amazing jobs at Teen Vogue and People’s Revolution will fall into your lap like rain from the sky.
3. Plastic surgery and Spencer Pratts destroy families.
Scary!!!
4. If you want to keep your best friend, don’t start dating her arch nemesis and then convince your other friend and the guy your BFF is casually dating to hook up. Very bad things will happen and you will find yourself in a club with your ex-BFF in your face screaming “You know what you did!”
5. Anything Heidi Montag does, do the exact opposite. That girl sticks to bad decisions like white on rice.
6. Alleged sex tapes should always be alluded to but never directly discussed.
7. Everyone in L.A. has slept with, gotten drunk with, publicly fought with, or broken into the house of everyone else.
8. The transition from reality TV star to movie star just does not happen (I’m looking at you, Audrina).
9. Wear heels. At all times.
10. People in L.A. spend the majority of their time meeting people at nice, sunny outdoor restaurants so they can “talk.”
11. Staring blankly at someone from across a dimly lit table can be interpreted as aggressive, seductive, sad or amused depending on the top 40 pop song playing in the background.
12. When a reality show is failing, bringing in a “new” girl who is bitchy and swears a lot will surprisingly only make the show worse.
13. If you date Brody Jenner, he will break your heart, then become your best friend.
14. Enzo the neighbor boy will be in the market for a good child psychologist after his parents pawned him off on a vapid human Barbie doll and a rage-infested sociopath who didn’t really like him anyway.
15. When a ship is sinking – jump off! (Nicely done, LC and Whitney.)
Oh Lauren, Heidi, Spencer, Audrina, Brody, Stephanie, Kristen, Lo, Justin Bobby, and Stacie the Bartender…I hate you! I love you! I hate how much I love you!
And I salute you all as you fade into ex-reality show star obscurity.
Carlie Crash 