Tag Archives: Carlie

Lite rock: A confession

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I grew up listening to lite rock. NOT by choice. Let’s make that clear.

It was just that my mom happened to be a suburban 30-something-year-old woman whose preferred method of transportation was a Dodge minivan with Lite fm 93.9 firmly holding its spot on radio preset button #1.

She also wore shirts adorned with masterfully self-applied puffy paint and iron-on decals. You know the type. And if you grew up in the 80s/90s that type was probably your mom also.

It wasn’t until I reached my tween years that I discovered there were other kinds of music out there besides synthesized pop and the strained crooning produced by the vocal chords of Kenny Loggins and the like.

That’s when I swore off lite rock and began storing my Michael Bolton tape in the back of my sock drawer.

But then a funny thing happened.

I’m a station surfer when I drive, so whenever a bad song comes on, I hit the seek button until I find something I like. A few years ago, I noticed an alarming pattern associated with this behavior.

Inexplicably, I found myself pausing upon hearing the familiar chords of a Chicago or REO Speedwagon song.

What?!? Why?!? I don’t even LIKE that music!

Or do I…?

Ok, ok, I DO. But only in small doses.

I don’t know if I actually enjoy the music or if it’s just the nostalgia of hearing the soundtrack to my childhood (I’m inclined the believe the latter), but I will publicly admit that I don’t completely dislike lite rock.

So since I posted a list of my favorite oldies to welcome summer a few months back, I decided to compile a list of my favorite lite rock songs to welcome fall. Even though lite rock really has nothing to do with fall. As previous posts have indicated, I clearly have no qualms about making extremely loose connections and exploiting them on this blog.

So here’s the list:

  1. Soldier of Love – Donny Osmond
  2. The Heart of the Matter – Don Henley
  3. Sara Smile – Hall & Oates
  4. Keep On Loving You – REO Speedwagon
  5. You’re the Inspiration – Chicago
  6. The Longest Time – Billy Joel
  7. Missing You – John Waite
  8. Against All Odds – Phil Collins
  9. At This Moment – Billy Vera & The Beaters
  10. I Guess That’s Why They Call It the Blues – Elton John
  11. Don’t Forget Me (When I’m Gone) – Glass Tiger
  12. Stuck With You – Huey Lewis & The News
  13. No One Is To Blame – Howard Jones
  14. Walking on Broken Glass – Annie Lennox
  15.  Higher Love – Steve Winwood

What are YOUR favorites? And don’t act like you’re too cool for lite rock…

Britney Spears, high school and babies

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I know the title of this post is strange. But if you think that Britney Spears, high school and babies are three random things that are totally unrelated, then you would be wrong.

Here’s my explanation summed up in one sentence because I’m not feeling overly verbose today:

The Britney Spears episode of Glee last night was AWESOME, Britney was super popular when I was in high school, and I just had my high school reunion last weekend where I saw a lot of old friends who now have babies.

You see? It’s all very logical.

And to continue on this streak of organized mental clarity, I am now going to break that sentence down into three parts and expound upon each section. Kind of like a nice little five paragraph essay. Which I wrote a lot of in high school. Another logical connection!

PART 1: The Britney Spears episode of Glee last night was AWESOME.

This is pretty self-explanatory. If you don’t watch Glee or missed the episode, I am so sorry. I feel bad for you like I felt bad for Lloyd and Harry at the end of Dumb & Dumber when they sent the bus full of bikini models toward town to find two oil boys that could have been them if they were smarter. But then of course they’d have to change the title of the movie. Anyway… you poor sap.

With the combination of Britney songs, Brittany’s awesome dancing, and references to Lady Bird Johnson’s tramp stamp and Kids Incorporated, I’d have to say last night’s episode might very well be the most entertaining hour of TV I’ve ever watched. All of that combined with television legend John Stamos (yes, I said that) had me entranced in a daze of happiness by the end of the show, muttering to myself “Is this real life…?” (Again, I feel bad for you if you didn’t see the show, because you totally didn’t get that reference.)

PART 2: Britney was super popular when I was in high school.

I was a sophomore in high school when Hit Me Baby One More Time hit the radio, maybe a few too many times (I did get a little sick of it). But pop culture would never be the same. And thus began a period in my life when Britney dance moves were routinely mimicked at Homecoming and Turn-A-Bout dances and her songs were included on every mix tape I made (yes, I was making mix tapes).

So you can understand why I was a little bit depressed when she became a vicious, bald, umbrella-wielding psychopath a few years ago.

I loved the Britney Spears of 1999. I feared the Britney Spears of 2007. And I’m on the fence about the Britney Spears of 2010. She may have made a somewhat successful comeback, and she looked decent on Glee, but she’s seriously not the same. If she was, she would have been singing and dancing along with the cast and had more than three empty lines on the show. Now she’s sort of just a puppet for her “brand” – the passion and talent are gone.

PART 3: I just had my high school reunion last weekend where I saw a lot of old friends who now have babies.

Let’s move on to something a bit happier, shall we? If you read my last post, I’m sure you were wondering how my 10 year high school reunion went. And if you weren’t, you’re going to find out anyway.

It was so much fun!

The festivities started with the Homecoming football game on Friday night (where they had fireworks – seems the booster club has become a bit more profitable since I was there!), and ended with me dancing at a bar in Chicago until 2 am with old friends, some of whom I hadn’t seen in years. And everyone had babies. But not at the bar. (I was sort of hoping to be able to use Reese Witherspoon’s “You have a baby! At a BAR” line from Sweet Home Alabama, but alas…)

And you know what was weird? Besides the fact that at least three of the babies were named Tyler? (Is it really that common of a name??)

Everyone was pretty much the same. Most people looked and acted exactly the same, except maybe a teensy bit more mature.

In conclusion (that’s how I always ended my five paragraph essays), I love Glee, and even though Britney Spears has changed (in a bad way) since high school, it seems that most people haven’t. In a good way.

Funny how easy it is to hang out with the people you grew up with, even if it’s been years since the last time you talked. I guess when we spent every waking hour together in high school, we got to know each other pretty well. And that will never change.

A conversation with High School Me

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It’s official. I’ve finally become old enough to attend events that exist based on the fact that I am not all that young anymore.

Namely, my high school reunion. Which happens to be this weekend.

It turns out that my high school graduation happened TEN YEARS AGO. At that time, 10 years amounted to more than half of my life. Ten years seemed like pretty much the longest period of time possible. In the year 2000, 2010 seemed so far away it might not ever even happen, as far as I was concerned.

And yet here we are.

Needless to say, I (and probably everyone I went to high school with) have changed a lot since I dodged football players and mammoth backpacks graced the halls of Wheaton North High School.

It would be pretty interesting and sadly impossible to go back and have a conversation with an 18-year-old Carlie Bliss (even my name has changed!). But if I COULD, it would probably go something like this:

Present Me: Hey Carlie! It’s me – you! Well, you 10 years in the future. How’s it going?

High School Me: Whoa. Wow, I look different 10 years from now!

PM: Yeah, let’s just say that Cetaphil face wash and eyebrow waxing were major game changers for us.

HSM: Nice! Except what’s with those dorky-looking jeans?

PM: Oh, they’re called skinny jeans, for obvious reasons. Everyone’s wearing them in 2010.

HSM: They look uncomfortable.

PM: They kind of are. Enjoy the baggy cargo pants and overalls while you can, kid.

HSM: So you’re me 10 years from now? How’s life in L.A. as a film director??

PM: Umm…great. Just great.

HSM: Cool. And you survived college?

PM: Survived? High School Me, let me tell you something. You think high school is great, but just wait until college. Yes, you’ll be homesick for about 1.5 hours, but it’s all pure awesomeness from there on out. In fact, college is so great that you’re going to become mildly depressed and feel like the best part of your life is over once you graduate.

HSM: Oh. But that’s not true, right? There will still be better things ahead in the future?

PM: Uh…sure. Yeah. For sure.

HSM: You’re not very convincing.

PM: So! Refresh my memory – how are things in high school?

HSM: Everything is great! Yesterday, Cynthia, Stacey and I went to 7-Eleven to get Slurpees after school and then we drove to Danada in Cynthia’s convertible with the top down even though it was only 60 degrees to go to Starbucks and see if there were any hot South boys riding around in Jeeps that we could smile and giggle at but not talk to. You know, the usual.

PM: Ahh yes. Those were the days.

HSM: Yeah and there’s a home football game tonight and Alisa is afraid that John is going to ask her to Homecoming because she wrote in a note to me that was masterfully folded into an octagon and decorated with 3 highlighter colors that Peter told Emilie and Shannon that John told Tony that he wanted to ask her. But she really wants to go with Mike.

PM: Drama. Any plans for after the game?

HSM: I’m sure we’ll go to Chili’s and just order water and chips and queso. Then Sarah said something about TPing the guys’ houses and putting Vaseline on their car handles, but we might just end up in Cynthia’s basement and watch Clueless and order Papa John’s breadsticks with extra garlic sauce or drive around and see who we run into.

PM: Oh yeah, you guys don’t have cell phones do you?

HSM: Huh? Well, Stacey has a car phone…?

PM: Not the same thing.

HSM: So if you’re from 2010, I guess our 10 year reunion is coming up?

PM: Yep, they sent out the Facebook invite awhile ago and it looks like it should be a good turnout.

HSM: What’s Facebook?

PM: Nevermind. Well, it was good to see you, High School Me.

HSM: Good to see you too! I’m glad you haven’t developed Mom’s bunion or varicose veins yet.

PM: You and me both!

HSM: Hey, if you see Sarah at the reunion, tell her I still want my Abercrombie shirt back. You know, the one that says ABERCROMBIE across the chest in huge letters.

PM: Don’t all your Abercrombie shirts say that?

HSM: Umm…yeah.

PM: Oh, one more thing. There may come a time in the future when you consider drinking three Mega Margaritas over the course of two and a half hours at this Mexican place called Cesar’s in Chicago. DON’T DO IT.

HSM: Ok. I’m totally having a Back to the Future moment right now.

PM: I still love that movie!

HSM: How could you not??

PM: “Where you’re going, you don’t need roads!”

HSM: Really??

PM: Uh, no. We still have roads in the future. And cars. Transportation hasn’t really changed much.

HSM: Oh. Ok. See ya!

PM: Bye, High School Me! I’m kind of jealous of you right now. Well…no. Actually, I’m not. Not at all.

Crossing off #13 on the Baby Bucket List

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Item #13 on my Baby Bucket List is as follows, and I quote:

“Go on a loooong road trip. Not one of those 5-hour dealies, like the St. Louis to Chicago trip we do every other weekend.”

A couple of weekends ago, we coaxed the Stratus into rumbling all the way up to Michigan, a 7.5 hour drive, and this weekend we are somehow hoping she’ll be able to bump and grind her way to the middle of Iowa for my cousin’s wedding, another 7.5 hour (or longer) drive.

You guys, I’m just going to go ahead and cross this road trip goal off the list:

CHECK!

Both trips are over 5 hours, and honestly, I don’t really enjoy driving much longer than that.

Road trips can be fun, but I seem to have major issues with butt comfort (or lack thereof) when I’m driving. Also, I get stressed easily on the highway and in the presence of roaring metal monsters of death trucks, so I’m constantly tense and can’t relax, which consequently seems to be a good workout for my hamstrings, but still.

I also have a major issue with the audio portion of road trips. The Stratus (bless her heart) hails from a time (2002) when non-luxury cars did not come equipped with iPod docks. I have a handy little hookup thingy that looks like a thermometer on a wire that I can plug into my cigarette lighter (do new cars still come with those?), but it’s kind of a pain.

Also, if there is any sort of sporting event on a station that gets any sort of reception, Will insists on listening to that while I try to not have a seizure caused by the incessant buzzing that accompanies AM radio broadcasts picked up in the cornfields of middle America.

And no, books on tape are not an option. The voice of the reader always starts to annoy me after about 5 minutes. It helps if the person is British, but I still have a problem with it.

If there’s rain, snow, wind, fog, an excessive amount of sunshine, darkness, construction, bumpy roads, traffic jams or two-lane highways, I become a defeated, stressed-out puddle of “I can’t do this,” “This sucks,” and “We’re never going to get there.” It’s not pleasant.

So now that it’s crossed off the Baby Bucket List, I’m officially not planning on going on any more road trips in the near future. Well, after this weekend I guess.

I’m going to go stock up on Red Bull and Twizzlers so I can self-medicate when I start to feel a meltdown coming on. Wish me luck!

The Emmys red carpet: Opinions from someone with a slightly above average fashion sense at best

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Last Sunday night, I watched the Emmys. Or most of the Emmys – Mad Men came on at 9 pm and hello! Priorities!

I think it’s a little ridiculous how red carpet fashion gets analyzed and critiqued to death but I also love it a little bit too. It’s a nice way to remind celebrities that although they may be beautiful and talented (for the most part), they can’t be perfect all the time. And when they’re not, they will be subjected to a ruthless public flogging.

While the fashion commentators get a little technical at times, throwing terms around like silhouette and drape, I don’t think most Americans care enough to even consider whether or not a cowl neck is flattering on Demi Moore’s bone structure or whatever.

For those who are interested in an honest first impression-based opinion from a person who does read fasion blogs but doesn’t know why because they make her feel completely inadequate, here are some of my thoughts.

Note: I’m not going to list off designers because who really cares, and if you are actually intending on running out and buying Versace because you saw it on some celebrity, then can you send me an offshoot of that money tree you have growing in your backyard?

Anna Paquin

Here we have warrior princess Anna, who after successfully slaying the evil golden-scaled dragon, decided to skin it and fashion it into a mini breast plate. Kind of like a crop top of armor with shoulder pads.

Christina Hendricks

BOOBS. Not crazy about the color or feathers that make it look like it’s been so long since she last shaved her pits that her hair has spider webs growing from it. But her face and red hair are sooo pretty. And I’m totally heterosexual, but wow her figure is banging. And BOOBS.

January Jones

I LOVE that color. I bet if you lick this dress it tastes like blueberries. The rest of January is a hot mess. Hopefully whoever got to sit on either side of her in the theater could see over the flared out wings of distracting flashing blueness that was hitting them in the face.

Heidi Klum

Cute, but short. Kind of like an embellished corset with no pants. I bet the paparazzi were on high alert crotch-watch when she stepped out of the limo. Luckily when you have friends like Tim Gunn, you know how to be ladylike.

Kim Kardashian

To-ga! To-ga! Kim, the Four Seasons called and they want their sheets back. Actually, I like this dress. It’s not black, sheer, lacy or painted on. Are we sure this is Kim Kardashian?

Tina Fey

Ooh she looks sassy here! I used to want to be an Egyptologist and I’m pretty sure it says “30 Rock Rules” and “I got to kiss Jon Hamm so all you other ladies can suck it” across her chest in heiroglyphics.

Betty White

Awwww. And awwww. She looks like my grandma wrapped in a sunset. These days Betty can do no wrong and I’m pretty sure if I said anything mean about her outfit, someone would start a Facebook page petitioning to have me killed.

Claire Danes

Sparkles! If I ever get invited to a black tie red carpet event, I think this is the kind of dress I would wear. Except I would look less like a Barbie doll and more like…well, someone who doesn’t belong at a red carpet event. P.S. I had to squint and put my face up against my computer screen to make sure this was actually Claire Danes. Angela? From My So-Called Life? Are you in there?

For more fashion commentary that’s actually funny and actually fashion commentary, check out Tom & Lorenzo where I got all of these photos. No one does fashion like the gays.

Gatsby goes to the beach

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If you read my last post, you know that I was in Michigan last weekend.

What I failed to mention was that we brought Gatsby along for his very first vacation ever. He was getting a little stressed out (read: barking incessantly) by the evil mailman throwing paper through the door on a daily basis and the people in the neighborhood who dare to stroll past our house his fortress. We thought he could use a little R&R.

Turns out the beach isn’t as relaxing as it would seem when you’re a small dog who gets nervous in unfamiliar environments, eats sand, and hyperventilates when he gets wet. For Gatsby, the beach was about as fun as getting his nails trimmed. Lucky for us, there was no biting or loss of bowel control involved.

Here’s what I imagine he was thinking during his sandy adventure:

“Woohoo! What up, BEACH!? The Great Gatsby has arrived! I WILL DOMINATE YOU. This sand feels weird on my feet.”

“Hey, seagull. How’s it going? That’s a nice perch you’ve got up there, seagull. Good thing you’re not on the beach, or I would PULVERIZE you. Say hello to your mother for  me.”

“Do doo dooo, walking on the beach… Wait. Umm…is that water right there? Hold the phone! HOLD THE F-ING PHONE!”

“Hello0000, McFly! I thought I’ve made it clear that I don’t DO water. Is this some kind of joke? This is a vacation? Someone go get my favorite blanket and a rawhide.  Eeee! I think my fragile paw just got a little wet! This shit is bananas. I’m OUT.”

“Oh no. Oh HELL no. Do NOT take me in that water! Do you hear me? Not one step futher! Don’t you drop me… Christ on a cracker, this mother f-ing lake is mother f-ing freezing! I hate you all!”

<Shout out to Mad Men for that awesome “Christ on a cracker” catch phrase. Gatsby is a big fan.>

“Screw you guys. Not funny. Now my fur is all messed up and I can’t feel my nether regions. I would bite you if I could only stop shaking. DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU HAVE REDUCED ME TO? This is completely unacceptable. I’m hiding your socks under the bed later. Don’t even try to stop me.”

“Uggh I’m wet! And sandy! Oh the humanity! I am RUINED. I have no choice but to resign myself to this foul fate. A hell most damp and unclean! Please – just go. I’m going to my happy place.”

“Huh. This sand doesn’t taste half bad.” <nom nom nom> “Really, it’s not bad at all. What’s that you say? Don’t eat it? OH YEAH??”

“Well take THIS, evil humans! I’m going to roll around and eat as much sand as I can and then poop it out and scatter it all over the house later! HA!”

“Revenge is mine, biatches! The Great Gatsby is victorious once again! Now will someone please go get my favorite blanket and a rawhide? How many times to I have to ask??”

“Oh, so now you’re going to make me sit here and pose for these ridiculous pictures? Screw you guys.”

Two words: Pure Michigan

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If the title of this post isn’t clear or you’re somewhat dense, I’m in Michigan right now.

Actually, assuming this will be posted at 10 a.m. like I instructed WordPress to do, I will technically be en route to Michigan, cruising down the highway in our sleek 2002 Dodge Stratus.

(That’s also assuming the Stratus hasn’t crapped out on us. She gets a little cranky when I try to go over 60 mph. That’s when I hit the gas even harder and bark that oil changes are for sissies!)

But soon I’ll no doubt be relaxing on the beach in a Great Lake State of mind. (Michigan is called the Great Lake State if you didn’t know. I think it’s also called the Wolverine State, but I don’t have a pun for that, and I’m also hoping wolverines are not involved in any of my plans for the weekend.)

If you haven’t realized it by now, this post is pretty pointless. Its sole purpose is just to announce the following:

I AM IN MICHIGAN.

And you’re (probably) not. Although I can’t be entirely sure about that.

Also, this will be my view as I lay out on the beach, reading The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, which has gotten a lot of hype lately, but 150 pages in, my review so far is “meh.”

Hopefully I’m not as red as that lighthouse when I get back.

Ciao! Or, as they say in Michigan…

Bye!

I almost want to have a baby…

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Just so that I can buy this adorable frog pillow thing and put the baby in it.

This particular baby is Bethenny Frankel’s. I first spotted the frog pillow with her baby nestled snuggly in its arms on her reality show, and I think it was the first time in my life that my heart melted at the sight of something infant-related.

It was stupidly cute.

I actually hit rewind so I could see it and swoon again. Twice.

It was Sunday morning and I was home alone, and yet I still could not keep myself from saying “Awwwww” out loud. And it probably sounded just as annoying as you’re imagining, so I guess it’s a good thing that no one was there. Then I went to find Gatsby because the sight of that whole ridiculously cute frog pillow situation made me want to cuddle with something.

First hints of maternal instincts?

I don’t know.

The fact that this pillow that I MUST HAVE whenever a baby Irwin comes into our lives is actually something that I can place said baby in to get it out of my way may indicate otherwise.

Also, for a split second it crossed my mind that I could buy the pillow now for Gatsby. A frog cuddling with a tiny dog? Shut up. I die. (Yes, I also watch The Rachel Zoe Project.)

So really my obsession with the frog pillow may not be baby-related at all. I just can’t handle the cuteness of a small creature snuggled up with an affectionate plush frog. My heart swells, my eyes tear up, I cock my head to one side, smile like a freaking idiot and explode into tiny pieces of heart-shaped cartoon confetti.

I may have just discovered my kryptonite.

Regardless, the fact remains that someday a similar frog pillow WILL be mine (oh yes), and if it means that in order to get one I have to have a baby to put in it…then so it shall be.

All you need is love. And awesome friends and family.

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Three years ago today, I married the guy who I have been referring to on this blog as “Will.” (Because that’s his name and that’s what I call him. I’m not much of a nickname person.)

I think we can both say that it was the best day of our lives so far.

Yes, we were thrilled to be in love and marrying each other (right, Will??), but one of the best things about that day was that we had pretty much ALL of our family and friends in one place, celebrating that love.

They arrived.

They helped me get dressed.

They prentended not to notice the horrendous golf ball-sized zit that I OF COURSE had on my wedding day.

They handed out programs.

They sat.

They stood.

They nonchalantly wiped sweat off their brows. (It was a bit warm that day.)

They escorted.

They read poems.

They hugged.

They posed.

They looked beautiful.

They wondered when they could get inside. (Ok, it was hot that day…)

They drank.

They gave toasts.

They got M&Ms.

And cake.

They smiled.

They laughed.

They took pictures.

They twirled.

They got a little bit softer now.

They danced.

And danced.

And danced.

And finally…they ate cheeseburgers at midnight.

And they were all so sincere and really just happy for us. If they didn’t feel the love that night, they did a pretty darn good job of faking it.

So I just want to thank all of our friends and family for being in our lives and being the wonderful people they are.

Because as good as Will and I are together, we wouldn’t be nearly as good as individuals without those guys. All 200+ of them.

Trippin’ out

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One of my favorite things to do is go on vacation.

This makes a lot of sense because some of my other favorite things to do are relax, go out to eat, and not work.

Traveling is a priority in life right now because it’s probably going to become a lot more difficult and less frequent once we have kids. Will and I haven’t done our big trip to Europe yet (it’s on the baby bucket list!), but we have gone to a lot of cool places since we got married three years ago.

Today, I’m putting on my “travel guide” hat and giving you my own special take on some of the top places we’ve been to.

San Francisco

3 phrases that best describe our experience: mojitos, sore calves, food poisoning

Best anagram:  No ass can firc

Theme song: “Gonna Be” by the Proclaimers (aka, And I would walk 500 miles…because you will. Walk. 500 miles.)

Ideal outfit: Skinny jeans, flats, tank top, short sleeve shirt, long sleeve shirt, sweater, jacket, scarf (layers are key – it’s literally 10 degrees colder in the shade). Also, I think you could get away with wearing a beret here. If you want to.

Make sure to bring: A cool indifference to homeless people

Boston

3 phrases that best describe our experience: Sam Adams, nausea on a T train, the Redcoats are coming!

Best anagram: Snot bo

Theme song: “Revolution” by The Beatles

Ideal outfit: Know this: nothing is worse than a pair of Uggs. Except for a pair of smelly, sweaty Uggs. It can be 80 degrees there in September. I’m just saying.

Make sure to bring: A dictionary. There are a lot of smarties running around that city. You don’t want to look a fool.

Costa Rica

3 phrases that best describe our experience: pura vida, ATVs are scary, monkeys!!!

Best anagram: A rat coc is

Theme song: “Welcome to the Jungle” by Guns N’ Roses

Ideal outfit: Nothing. It’s hot there.

Make sure to bring: Various blunt instruments to fight off large lizards. And Frizz-ease.

Charleston, SC

3 phrases that best describe my experience (this was a girls-only trip): pineapples, heavy accents, I want that house

Best anagram: La rot sneach

Theme song: Dixie

Ideal outfit: Just wrap yourself in a confederate flag. You’ll fit right in.

Make sure to bring: Alligator repellent

Miami

3 phrases that best describe our experience: speedos, GTL, habla ingles?

Best anagram: I am mi (didn’t have a lot to work with there, ok?)

Theme song: “Livin’ la Vida Loca” by Ricky Martin

Ideal outfit: Skimpy bikini with metallic heels, flashy earrings and huge sunglasses. This works for both men and women.

Make sure to bring: Lots of money and those glow sticks you can put in your mouth.

I know, my anagrams suck. That was a lot harder than I thought.

Next up on the travel docket: Michigan! Thanks to those “Pure Michigan” commercials. It’s not that the wistful music and Tim Allen’s soothing voice made me cry or anything. Wait. What?