I pack like a Jerk

Tomorrow, I leave for a long weekend in one of my very favorite places.

Tonight, I pack.

Packing is the worst. (No wait, moving is the worst. But mostly because it involves a lot of packing.)

I always try to pack light and I NEVER succeed. It usually goes something like this:

“Here I go, on a quick weekend trip! It’s just a few days, I barely need to bring anything. Just these three outfits. I don’t need anything else. Except this red purse. And that’s the only other thing I need. Just these three outfits and this red purse… and that’s all I need. And this sequin dress. These three outfits, the red purse, my sequin dress, and that’s all I need. And these thigh-high hooker boots. So we’ve got the three outfits, hooker boots, red purse and sequin dress and I don’t need anything else! Except this pirate costume. But that’s it, I don’t need one other thing. That’s all I need. Wait, I need this too.”

If you’re someone who has seen the movie The Jerk, this may sound familiar. If you’re someone who hasn’t seen The Jerk, I’ve just given you something to do this weekend besides sitting around working on your “Home Sweet Home” cross stitch pattern or whatever it is you people do on weekends.

Image from anyfilmaday.blogspot.com.

Movin’ on up

Tomorrow is moving day!

I’m packing up the Stratus (and Will’s Honda) and moving on up to Chicago from St. Louis. I’ve been packing my stuff since Monday and am only about 1/4 of the way done. So today might suck a little.

As much as I’d love to keep procrastinating, I really don’t have much time, so I’ll provide you with some of my thoughts on this whole moving situation in the form of a numbered list. (I love lists. Oh, you want proof? Check it: here, here, here, and here.)

1. Everything about moving to Chicago is exciting and great, nay – GREAT!, except that Will and Gatsby can’t come with me right away. Major sad face. Will has to finish up his job in St. Louis (and subsequently find a new one in Chicago), so I’ll be husbandless and dogless and traveling back and forth between Chicago and St. Louis for the next month and a half. I’m officially in a long distance relationship. Ew. Thank God it will be holiday season or I might be seeking a subscription for Xanax right about now.

2. I’m moving in with my parents for the next month and a half. This is good because my parents love to spend time with me and do things for me (I’m spoiled). This is bad because my parents love to spend time with me and do things for me (I’m not 10 years old anymore). We’ll see how it goes. My major concern? I may need to cut down on some of the TV shows I watch because their DVR is full of crime dramas and weird Sci-Fi shows that my dad loves but I’ve never even heard of. The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills might have to be put on hold. Oh man, now I really might need that Xanax…

3. I’m so excited to start my new job! SO excited. I’ll be working as an editor/copywriter for an ad agency downtown. Waaaaayyy cooler than working on nursing textbooks at a publishing company in the middle of nowhere across the street from a landfill.

4. I’m a bit nervous to start my new job. Mostly because I’ll probably have to take a bus from the train station to get there, and I don’t think I’ve ever ridden a bus in Chicago before. I’ve taken the El pretty much everywhere you can take it, but the bus and I have yet to be acquainted. I think I’m going to go downtown on Friday and ride it somewhere. For practice. I’m serious.

5. Ooh, here’s another thing I’m really excited about: I know people in Chicago! A lot of people! We have friends and family out the wazoo up there. If you want to hang out with me, you better get on the schedule now – my social calendar is filling up! (Actually, no. It’s not. The only plans I have so far is to see a play. With my parents.) But still. I’ll miss my friends in St. Louis and the family we have there, but it will be nice to be have a wide variety of friends hang out with. I tire of people easily. (That’s not true either – I just wanted to say that. It’s delightfully snobby.)

6. I got STUCK in a heavy winter coat at Nordstrom Rack the other day. Wait- this is related. I decided that I need to get one of those massive puffy down coats that make you feel like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man from Ghostbusters because people actually need to wear those things in Chicago. I’m cold just thinking about it. Anyway, I was out shopping and decided to try on an especially puffy and warm one last weekend. I hastily zipped it all the way up to my chin, checked myself out in the mirror, yelled out “Hey everyone, come see how good I look!” (ok, no, I didn’t do that), and when I went to remove the coat, the unthinkable happened. The zipper got stuck! Like MAJORLY stuck. As panic set in, I yanked, and twisted and pulled with all my might, but to no avail. I WAS TRAPPED IN A GIGANTIC FURNACE OF A COAT IN THE MIDDLE OF A CROWDED STORE ON A BALMY 75-DEGREE DAY!! More panicking. Once I became certain that I was in the beginning stages of heat stroke, I ran up to the nearest employee and pleaded for her help. Long story short, she couldn’t get it, her manager couldn’t get it, and I was rushed to the alterations department where they had to literally cut the coat open to free me from its hellish, sweaty grip. I’m still a little traumatized by the situation. And I now have an intense appreciation for buttons.

7. Packing is the worst. Just the worst. If you’ve ever moved, I’m sure I don’t need to elaborate on this.

8. Even though I’ve been wanting to move back to Chicago pretty much since I decided to move to St. Louis, I’m actually going to miss this cute little city. It’s got some things going for it. There are 8 things in particular that I am especially going to miss, as evidenced by my recent Girls Guide post. (I love lists and shameless plugs!)

So those are my thoughts on moving at the moment. I think they can best be summed up with these words: Excited! Husbandless! Xanax! So excited! Nervous! HOT!

Moving day is tomorrow. My first day at the new job is Monday. I’ll let you know how it goes…