Everything’s broken and I hate everyone

I would have posted a lot more lately, but our Internet connection decided to suck for some unknown reason.

Don’t roll your eyes at me! It’s not an excuse. It’s the truth.

Let’s talk about everything in my life that has malfunctioned this past week, shall we?

Get comfortable.

1. Our hot water heater. Last Wednesday I took an ice cold shower. No, it was colder than ice. I swear. It was painful and completely ineffective. Walking around all day with leftover conditioner matting your hair against your scalp is not pleasant or attractive. On Thursday, I brought 10 cups of warm water into the bathroom with me that I heated up on the stove and poured each of them over my head between washing, shampooing and conditioning. Sadly, 10 cups was not enough. I had to once again rinse out the conditioner in a frigid fury. At least this time I was prepared for the shock. Pounding my chest with my fists a few times, steeling my glare and uttering “LET’S DO THIS” between gritted teeth before stepping into the stream actually seemed to help. On Friday, I took a nice, hot shower thanks to a brand new water heater and I was happy enough to cry. In fact, I’m not completely sure that I didn’t.

2. The CTA. That same Wednesday morning, we encountered utter chaos as we approached the Brown line stop near our apartment. Disaster had struck. There was some sort of issue and the train wasn’t running. Armageddon was upon us (in Chicago commuter terms), and it was every man for himself. We walked by bus stop after bus stop flooded with mobs of angry yuppies tapping away at their iPhones and anxiously shifting in their Uggs. We tried hailing a cab. HA! That was a joke. Finally, 5 blocks later, we got on a bus that would take us within relative walking distance to our office buildings. I was a half hour late for work.

3. My phone. That same day (same day!), my phone battery completely died by 10:30 am. And since then, it’s been pretty much crapping out on me whenever it feels like it. Which is a lot.

4. The Internet. I’m typing this out in Word right now, and before I started writing, I entered wordpress.com in my browser. It’s. still. loading.

5. Hulu. We decided to subscribe to a free weeklong trial of Hulu so we can watch the last few episodes of the 2nd season of Downton Abbey before starting the 3rd season. Good idea, right? It would be if the damn thing actually worked. But with my track record lately, why on earth would I ever assume that? Also, this issue is not related to the Internet because it doesn’t work even when our connection is running smoothly. So in case you’re keeping track, that counts as two separate things that are broken and conspiring against me and I hate them.

6. Our car. Surprisingly, our ’97 Honda Accord is actually still running. But it got towed on Saturday while parked in the Loop, so I thought I’d just tack that on the end of this rant. We had to trek down to the underbelly of the city to pay a fortune to pick it up, and Will thought this would be a nice opportunity for an evening stroll. 15 minutes of dodging pigeons and their excrement beneath Wacker Drive and a somewhat nerve-wracking encounter with a growing group of unsavory-looking individuals proved otherwise. Luckily, it was relatively warm that day, so frostbite was not a concern. Unluckily, I had not checked the forecast and was walking for miles in my big puffy coat in 50-degree weather. I was actually sweating in January, which is gross. And unexpected.

But I have to say that everything else in my life is great, just so I don’t feel like a negative, spoiled, ungrateful person.

Also, here’s one thing that’s not broken (yet):


My new computer! Now I can actually upload photos again – it’s nuts! So look forward to some lost pictures from the past few months. That is, if I can ever get WordPress to load.